Holy Crackers

Shit Muslims Say

2012-01-16T01:36:00.000-05:00

And yet another great video from Sheikh and Bake Productions. Shit Muslims Say!

On Point. Why? Because Muslims actually say this shit!!! Again, let's stop with apologia and highlight a lot of the issues and absurdities of these statements.

Consciousness

2011-12-27T03:49:00.001-05:00

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

- J.R.R. Tolkien

This is resounding. Specifically right now for me. I think I’ve been somewhat of an oxymoron. Spontaneity, against the norms, not average and random is what I’ve believed myself to be, to follow, to want. Yet, I also want things set for myself in the future. I need to know what will unfold. I can’t do that anymore to myself. I need to revel in the moment and just live in the now. I can’t waste time anymore. There’s no way for me to gain it back. But, it’s up to me how i spend it right?

Do You Listen to Bigotry?

2011-12-26T01:43:00.002-05:00

A creative and impacting take on combating Islamaphobia. Finally, a PSA that breaks the spell of redundancy of silent Muslims. Honestly, this beats having to watch the same hackneyed videos of Islamaphobia time and time again.

Sheikh and Bake Productions does an excellent job at highlighting the impact of misinformation of political leaders and misinformed individuals. Let's hope you're not one of them.

#StopBigotry #EndHateSpeech #EducateYourselves

You Can find love in a bookstore too

2011-12-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

You know, you're never too old to find love.

As she slowly tucks her glistening,
white and gray hair
behind her,

Revealing a rosy hued ear
which doesn't cease to
yell, "Look at me Damn it!"

He didn't stare.
Let alone look,
but just continued writing letters
and signing greeting cards.

I checked to see if he had a wedding band,
He didn't.
She was safe to pursue.

Kneeling over to peer at some books,
She taps his shoulder.

I held my breath.

He released his pen
Scratched his nose
and
ever so slightly turned his head.

"Yes?" cooed his raspy voice

and with exuberance she responded with,

"I was wondering if you had any
recommendations for some great reads?

I sat there,
Solemnly waiting for things to unravel.

And unravel it did.

They departed from the table in front of me,
and Walked amidst the aisle of books.
Meandering through the rows of
authors
titles
and stories.

I hope to some day read their love story...

...Unless I already wrote it.

A Distant Platform

2011-11-23T20:09:00.001-05:00

9:00 am
two bags and a jacket slung over my shoulder, it seemed as though the bustling noise around me would eventually drown away. i struggled, walking over to the ticket booth while little kids in front of me and i tripped over my one bag. it's officially Thanksgiving break. and everyone was ready to go home.

including me.

9:13 am
as i fixed my blouse to continue walking toward the ticket booth, i realized that my vision suddenly blurred and i ran into the column post that was on my left. from a strangers' point of view, i probably looked like i was drunk. stumbling with all my bags and running into a post. classic. i kept blinking hoping my vision would return to normal, but to my fear it didn't. was i about to pass out?

i realized in a matter of seconds that i was wearing contacts and as soon as i made that realization, i blinked once more to have my contact fall into my hand. ripped.

9:17 am
i looked at my watch. shit. my train leaves in 8 minutes and i still have no ticket, nor can i see anything infront me. just blurry forms whizzing past me. i managed to get in the ticket booth line and kept checking the time. the one time i wanted things to slow down, it just sped up. when i looked up, it seemed as though everyone vanished. YES! i ran up to the booth to realize it was only out of service.

really?!

9:21 am
i tried running to the booth on the immediate right and got my ticket and just jolted toward the platforms. in my hurry i ran down the wrong one.

1 minute left

i was probably the worst runner in track in high school. yelling at my legs to go faster, i ran back to the other side of the platform

7 seconds left.

as the train to the doors were closing slowly, i shoved my bags through the absent crack. i thought the train had swallowed my bags and i was going to be left with nothing. i closed my eyes and sighed a breath of despair.

9:25 am
i opened my eyes. still blurry. i saw light and i realized the doors had opened again. i ran inside and leaned up against the inside wall and sat down.

i'm going home. and i did it all half blind.

fiction based on a non-fiction event. here's my rendition of a friend's simple morning text to me.

In Limbo She Was (Part 2)

2011-11-18T11:41:00.001-05:00

Based on true events in my life, for security purposes I have changed the names of the individuals in this story.

In Limbo She Was (Part 2)

Asmy sister and I decided to have a race to my father’s car, I decided to trickher and point to the wrong car. While I jetted toward our car, I came to acomplete halt about a foot away. I wasn’t sure if it was merely just areflection or if I was really looking through the window. The image I saw wasimplanted in my mind. My father covertly drinking a vodka bottle wrapped inplastic within a brown bag, the epitomized image of an alcoholic that wasportrayed in some of my fiction novels.

Myheart kept racing and my smile turned into a frown. I made eye contact with himand he slowly put down the bottle and slid it under his seat. My mom shortlycame and shoved me toward the door of the car to get in. As we all got into thecar, I knew my mother knew immediately that my father had been drinking as Inoticed her tone change. It was no longer affectionate and carried certainstiffness with the terseness of her sentences. Later that night, I found outthe cause of all the fights my parents had. And as a seven year old, I quicklylearned that I along with all the fictional characters I had encountered in mynovels had an alcoholic father.

Butgetting back to reality, I just never fathomed having to see an officer handover my father. I wouldn’t think or rather make myself believe that it waspossible to involve the law. Yes, the law was a frightful concept for me. Itmeant breaking up a family, it meant moving, it meant having to face all myfriends and tell them that I had a problem; that my family had a problem. I wasalways someone to hold up the façade of being happy. It was more of aself-fulfilling prophecy if you would. That if you told yourself enough timesthat you are indeed happy, it reflects in your behavior. So far it’s beenworking.

Asmy mother took the forms and the officer walked back to his cop car. I saw hertrying to drag my father outside. The look on her face angered me even moreabout the situation. How disgusted she seemed to even stand next to him almostas if the smell from his mouth would poison her if she stood too close. I didn’twant to watch, so I pretended to have fallen asleep.

“Heeeeeeeey!I didn’t know you brought the girls? You should’ve told me. I would’ve…”

“Youwould’ve done nothing. I don’t think there’s any reason for you to talk rightnow. Let the girls sleep.” my mother said as she cut off my father mid-sentence.She pushed him in the front seat and got into the car.

“Well,I don’t know about that. You know. I’m feeling lucky today and I think it’sabout time we all went to Home Depot and got us some flowers.” Slurred speechand all, my father just wouldn’t keep quiet.

Mymother on the other hand kept quiet and all I could do was keep my boilinganger simmered down till we got out of the car. I just couldn’t deal withlistening to him anymore or seeing this intense tension foster between myparents. It was not only embarrassing but also annoying. I mean, how muchlonger can anyone really tolerate a drunk and a woman shrilling at the top ofher lungs?

Whatseemed like years, we finally arrived home. I shook my sister awake and watchedher peel her small eyes open. What I saw was confusion and worry. I gave herthe nod to assure her that we were finally home and that it was probably notgoing to be our typical morning. With the left over snow piled on the side ofthe road and the icy sidewalk, I knew I wanted to be warm and in my bed, pronto.So I raced toward the door and went in after my parents. Slowly taking off myboots and letting the blood rush through my numb hands and cheeks, I decidedthat I would someday move away from our small suburban Virginia town to a statethat actually offered warmth even during winter. After my momentary lapse inthinking, I headed upstairs. But halfway through I hear my mother yelling. Iknew the morning was just beginning.

“Ican’t deal with this anymore! Do you honestly think I’m going to continueliving like this? Do you? Answer me, God Damn it!”

Ithought I’d peer off the edge of the wall to see what was happening. What Inoticed was how my father was nonchalantly eating a plate of rice and chicken(left over dinner) and smirking. It was such a grimy smirk. I feel like if Ihad to describe two words that fit what was happening in my father’s mind itwould be half-dazed and incoherent.

“There’sabsolutely nothing wrong. I mean, you can always leave if you want. I justwanna eat this, ok honey. Why don’t you just lemme finish this meal?”

Disgustedwith his response, my mother went on an epic rage. You can call it apseudo-soliloquy since my father really wasn’t paying attention and it seemedlike my mother was just talking to herself. All the anger that she’d beenexuding for God knows how long seemed to flow out of her mouth like the NiagaraFalls. Tears and spit. My heart just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Mom,just shut-up. Honestly. Who are you kidding”? Even I was shocked at what I hadsaid. “Dad doesn’t care. He never did…”

Itseemed as though the whole entire neighborhood had stopped all activity. Evenmy own father stopped eating. He looked up at me at that instant.

“Excuseme. I don’t care”? he said. “How the hell do you know what I think? Just go tobed and do what you’re supposed to do.”

“No,I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I’m sick and tired of hearing you and Momargue till three or even four in the morning. Do you think I’m an idiot? Likeas if I don’t know how quickly you’re breaking this family apart?” I began toyell.

“Don’tyou dare talk to me like this. Fatima? Control your daughter. What the fuck iswrong with her upbringing. I thought I taught her better…”

“Upbringing?Who are you to talk about upbringing? Are you ever home?” yelled my mother. Bynow, that throbbing vein seemed like a volcano about to erupt. All I knew wasthat I didn’t want to be near if it actually did explode.

“Dad,do you honestly not see what you’re doing to yourself? To us!” by this point inthe night, I’ve reduced myself to tears. Trying to gasp for breath, I felt awarm hand over my shoulder. The sweet smell of jasmine clouded my nose and Ifound myself wanting to embrace familiarity.

“Ithink it’s time we all went to sleep now. No need to fuss over this.” Whisperedmy grandmother. She was probably the only stable person in our household. Iguess that’s what happens when you’re old and wise. You’ve seen enough battlesand sported enough scars to know that in the end, it’ll all be fine. It wasnice to know that despite the cold weather, I could always find warmth.

“Idon’t think I’m doing anything. As a matter of fact, all I really wanna do iseat my damn food. Now everyone just needs to shut the fuck up!”

“Youknow dad. You’re such a pitiful man. If there’s anything you get out of tonight,just know that I’ve lost total respect for you.”

And the tears stopped. My world stopped. I never thought I would everutter those words, and here I am, confronting my father and confronting myself.My façade fell and so did my guard. All I could do at that moment was watch mygrandmother as she began to prepare tea. As she shifted away from the stove, I saw the wall clock as it readthree thirty am. This was going to be one long morning...

In Limbo She Was (Part 1)

2011-11-18T11:37:00.001-05:00

Based on true events in my life, for security purposes I have changed the names of the individuals in this story.

In Limbo She Was (Part 1)

Thepot simmered for what seemed like hours. It’s three forty-five in the morningand why anyone is making tea fazes me, but all I know is that the smell ofburnt chai seems enticing. I canalmost picture the bubbles boiling and erupting as cloves find themselvesimmersed within the explosion. The cardamom seeds float around in differentfrequencies according to the pressure of the water around it.

Iimagine myself at that moment. How did I ever let so much pressure build up?

“Getup right now and make sure you put on a jacket. The two of you” My mother said.

Ididn’t know if it was truly my mother talking or if she happened to invade mydream but despite that, I was startled by the sternness in her voice. She’susually someone I always feared; however, today seemed as though she wasprepared to stab someone in the eye with a fork. As long as it wasn’t me, thenI knew I was safe.

Mysister and I, groggy eyed and in our pajamas, slowly crawled out of bed. Mindyou, it was a Thursday morning. I wasn’t sure if waking up at two in themorning meant I didn’t need to go to school that day. Not sure with what washappening, my sister and I watched my mom shift back and forth in the kitchentrying to find the car keys, her purse and also what seemed like a hint ofsanity. If anyone cared to be really observant, you could also see thethrobbing vein on her forehead. It jutted over her right eye like a pimplewaiting to be popped. Now this was strange.

Whilegetting into the car, I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be a normal earlymorning run for eggs at the local twenty-four hour supermarket. The only normalpart of this moment was the fact that there was no sign of my father. The sadreality was that we actually never saw him. Monday through Friday he always seemedto be consumed in all things destroyed: the lights out on the porch, the leakyfaucet in our main floor kitchen, a misplaced tile on the second floor bathroomwall. Not only was material destruction a fetish of his, but also, thedestruction of a family and his body.

“Mom,why’d you wake us up? I don’t wanna go to school today. Can we get some cookiessince we’re out?” questioned my sister.

Herannoying nagging was multiplied by what seemed like a thousand as I tried tocatch some slumber in the car. Neither one of us still knew where we wereheaded but I felt like it had something to do with our father.

“You’renot getting any cookies and we’ll see about school. If anything, try to sleepright now before we pick up your dad…” My mother said almost too hastily.

Hersentence faded away as soon as she said dad. I knew this was about him, I justknew it. No longer able to sleep, my blood began to boil. Was I woken up at twoin the morning to pick up my father who could have easily just driven his own carback home from work? I don’t know if that was the right question to askconsidering there was probably a good reason as to why he couldn’t.

Thenall I could think about was seeing him drunk, once again. To be honest, I wassick and tired of this relentless pattern. The sound of the keys on our maindoor, the over-exaggerated stumbling into the living room where he takes offhis glasses and wrist watch and throws them on the table, only leaving theresounding sound of metal to wood. Moments later the typical arguments thatfollowed were either short lived or lasted for a good two hours. “It’s yourfault I’m like this!” “I never wanted this anyways!” “Who are you to tell mewhat to do with my life? I live it the way I want!” seemed to be the mostcommon phrases I’ve gotten myself accustomed to.

Afterabout eight years of this, I know I’m entitled to being frustrated and not tomention tired of it all. Tired of dried up tears and constantly blocking outthe noise of the yelling that seeped through the cracks in the walls and thecrevices of the doors. The night was always something no one in our familylooked forward to. It was like overcast, a shadow that just seemed to grow onthe wall until there was a blanket of black. The blanket of black just neverwas able to cover the light in our hearts that wanted to shine through to seethe day this all would end. I mean I’m entitled to that, right?

Aswe found ourselves taking the all too common route to my father’s job, I foundmyself drifting off again. I knew I could easily have fallen asleep for a goodfifteen minutes but I felt this unsaid mist of hesitance that surrounded us allin the car that prevented just that. My bed was the only thing that I wanted tobe in at that moment. I leaned over my sister to look at the time on thedigital clock: 2:37am. From the time we all woke up to now, I was still left inlimbo, a limbo between a dream and reality.

Mymom pulled her car into the driveway of the hotel and stopped right in front ofthe lobby. I was half expecting my father to either be outside already or to atleast be inside behind the revolving door of the lobby. What happened next wassomething I never anticipated.

“HelloMrs. Iqbal. I’m sorry that we had to inconvenience you this morning and it’sunfortunate that we need you to do this. But here’s your husband. Make sure youlet him know about the court date and he needs to make sure to go through theproper procedures stated in this document”, said the officer as he handed mymother some forms.

Iwas searching for my father through my crusty eyes as I squinted for aboutthree minutes. All I could see was the officer’s excessively shiny badge thatseemed to reflect off too much light and my mother’s winter scarf as it twirledaround her leg because it was too long. Despite all the things that seemed todistract me and make me wonder if I really had A.D.D., I noticed a man slouchedwith his head down. As the officer took my mother into the lobby, I saw theslouched man lift his head up at a 45-degree angle, eyes bloodshot red anddrool running down his face. It was a pitiful sight and as soon as I saw hisface, I looked away so fast; it was as if there was an imaginary bullet thatflew past my face. My heart dropped about five levels into my stomach. I couldn’tbreathe as I tried to suppress my tears. Boy, was I angry as hell.

Ifound myself looking at my sister to make sure she hadn’t seen anything but tomy pleasant surprise, she had fallen fast asleep. The pressure in my chestlifted just a little bit allowing me to think for a moment.

Irewound back to this one particular moment when I first found out that myfather was secretly drinking his life away. My mother had decided to take us tothe library as she felt obliged to fulfill our desires to not only take fulladvantage of the playground that was like heaven for my sister but the secondfloor that satiated my thirst for “mature books”. Mature books meant genresthat were not your regular Beverly Cleary novels but rather Nancy Drew novels.Oh the joys of wanting to be an adult. What I remember from that particular daywas how ecstatic my sister and I were to hear that our father was going to comepick us up. We usually ended up taking the public transport which was neverfun, as I always found myself sitting next to my sister who has motion sickness.We all know that never ended well.

Eid Hijinx! (Muslim Sketch Comedy)

2011-11-13T17:57:00.001-05:00

i would like to believe that it's never too late for an Eid video....especially one that highlights pretty much all the things Muslims actually end up doing for this season.

absolutely HIGH-LARIOUS. i promise you'll get a good hearty laugh.

please watch, rate/comment and share!

brought to you by Sheikh & Bake Productions

Hiatus

2011-11-12T15:48:00.001-05:00

i KNOW that i'm close to non-existent and that is a problem.

not for you, but for me.

i miss writing up my anecdotes of moments that would push me forth into an undeniably long introspection.

a lot has changed in one year and it's almost mind blowing to not only

change my template once again
read past posts
die from embarrassing photos and or videos of me

but to also [disclaimer: about to insert a hackneyed adage] "see how much i've grown"

there's a lot that needs to be written about. there's a lot of indulging i need to do. dismiss any sojourns of mine and i promise: i'll have a new post by the end of next week!

dude, where's my car?

2011-02-22T00:57:00.000-05:00

i admit that i'm not the person to go to for spiritual knowledge or even the best understanding of islam. but i'll give myself that. i'm a learner, through whatever means possible. coming from a background where i was subjugated to strictly follow what was taught, i was always left with unanswered questions.

there's one thing that i strongly feel. that there are two kinds of people when dealing with the idea of being cognizant of religion:

1) those that walk away still ignorant and not having internalized the faith
2) those that walk away having a greater understanding through being their own vehicle in self-awareness

it's very rare to come across individuals who crave intellectual stimulation. being a student of knowledge both inside and outside of the realm of academics within an institution, it's sometimes hard to realize that when it comes to religion, it's not only about undertaking a spiritual journey but rather or almost concurrently an intellectual journey. it seems as though everyone is so caught on the idea of 'getting' close to their Creator that they forget that maybe it's about 'being' close to their Creator. sometimes getting somewhere doesn't achieve said goal or aspiration unless a sense of growth has taken place or a cognition of self has been established. i mean let's be serious. why travel the world if you're not gaining anything from that experience. you're just merely wasting time and not to mention gas (but that's besides the point).

i guess my real point is how often or by what means do you make aware the idea of being conscientious of this dunya, divine perspectives, our own internalization and establishing oneself. i want to establish myself. spiritually. so that if i were asked what it means to be muslim, i knew the answer. i'm not talking about your book answers either, or even the answers that we have been so mechanized to formulate off the tip of our tongues as if a rock were tied to it slowly peeling our lips apart and hoping for the verbal diarrhea to pour out. please excuse me. i don't mean to be harsh. but that is what i've been fed. verbal diarrhea. it doesn't make sense and nor does it hold significance within the deen.

so i find myself on this search for verbal coherence. for intellectual purity. for spiritual uplifting.

you don't ever know what is truly right for you till you formulate what your own beliefs and morals are. don't just follow the crowd but don't just make your own road either. sometimes you do need guidance instead of asking outrageous questions. imagine yourself driving a car to a place you don't know how to get to. you either grab the gps or have friends that know how to get there. each person adds to your experience and your journey.

become your own vehicle of self-growth because at the end of the ride. it's you who's driving.

"Little is known by any one but the spiritual man, Who has in his heart a touchstone of vital truth. The others, hovering between two opinions, Fly towards their nest on a single wing. Knowledge has two wings, opinion only one wing; Opinion is weak and lopsided in its flight. The bird having only but one wing quickly drops down, And again flies on two steps or more. This bird of opinion goes on rising and falling On one wing, in hope to reach his nest. When he escapes from opinion and knowledge is seen, This bird gains two wings and spreads both of them. Afterwards he "goes upright on a straight path, Not grovelling on his face or creeping." He flies up on two wings even as the angel Gabriel, Free of opinion, of duplicity, and of vain talk." [Masnavi | Book 3 Story 7]

Out of Print

2011-02-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

honestly. if someone buys me all these shirts. i might have to drop out of school and be a professional writer. make millions. then give them a share of my money.

"Out of Print celebrates the world’s great stories through fashion. Our shirts feature iconic and often out of print book covers. Some are classics, some are just curious enough to make great t-shirts, but all are striking works of art."

i commend these designers and the outlook they have. what better way to promote fruitful reading than on your shirt. funky and quirky designs that are aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and warms the mind, because there are people out there that still love to read as much as i do.

check them out: Out of Print!

2011-02-16T16:07:00.000-05:00

"Raucous protests in Bahrain; students in Iran clashed at a funeral; police fired on protesters in Iraq; unrest was reported in Libya; police tried to end clashes in Yemen."

Middle East Revolution to a Whole New Level.

i use facebook as a means of letting out my political jargon. but i liked this quote which pretty much sums up what it really means to have a domino effect. however, it's more than a domino effect...the idea that people no longer need to squirm under a rule that not only subjugates them to corner, cracks and crevices but leaders that no longer know how to lead. bursting out in revolt is this beautiful array of human freedom. fireworks that can speak for the future.

I just wanted to say that...

2011-02-14T00:58:00.001-05:00

I LOVE YOU.
thank you.

<3

"You look....

2011-02-13T14:00:00.001-05:00

too good for having a heart attack!" -strange man in his late 40s as he's walking his huge dog on a narrow sidewalk

for as creepy as he sounded, it did put a smile on my face. scratch that. laughter in my heart. i walked away laughing and thought...this is a good way to salsa my night away.

doing things on impulse. probably the best thing you could do for yourself.

now i wish i could beat-box like MIKE TOMPKINS and not look forward to a week of exams and papers. yet again.

so this is what valentine's week is going to be like.....

"i want to fly today. within the depths of your mind. turn the pages and graze my skin with the edge of your passion. you are my lover this week. pages and pages of notes. volumes and volumes of lectures. speak to me as if the whispers of your seduction isn't enough to make me want you even more."

and Smile i did

2011-02-06T23:50:00.000-05:00

reality. now that's something i try to force myself to understand. granted my 21 years is only so limited and i have only so many experiences to fill the smooth cold imaginative tabulae rosa. nonetheless, it's an adventure.

meandering through the different floors of the philadelphia art museum and seeing the stark changes in artistry and the portrayals of images both satirical and visceral through time, i realized how much i've changed. it was quite intimidating. yes. i literally intimidated myself.

"I've caught this magical landscape and it's the enchantment of it that i'm so keen to render. Of course lots of people will protest that it's quite unreal, but that's just too bad." [Claude Monet]

it wasn't just the strokes of certain paintings that evoked creative thought; moreover, it was this idea of an existential spiritual undertaking. appreciating certain aspects of yourself and putting your life into perspective. i spoke to a friend who happens to be abroad and what bothered me a bit was this idea that living in country where you are literally given everything on a silver platter and being "forced" to maintain a religious life is just not appealing. maybe it's just me, but i'd rather overcome an hurdle and take a challenge to figure out who i am in the process. i want to talk to God because I want. i want to eat till i become too big for my pants. i want to listen to music so loud my heart jumps. i want to have my heart broken to understand what love is. i want to be a part of history while it's in the making. defenestrate a government. and then look in a mirror at the end of the day and be able to appreciate what i've been through.

i sat at Starbucks for about five hours. FIVE. hours. studying my life away, with the intermittent trips to facebook of course. while sitting here, i found myself watching people. asian, black, overdressed, cozy, couples interlocked at the hip...

"if i wake up tomorrow will you still be here" (yeah i did just quote mike posner)

so i looked passed the people and stared at an incoming trolley. i would like to say that 90% of the people in the trolley know exactly what their destination is. the straggling 10% we'll state as outliers. our wonderful tourists.

after a long while i smiled. it creeped up so unexpectedly. i felt the tickle on the side of my left cheek as i pursed my lips to bite my bottom lip only to find myself warm into a smile. it felt pretty amazing because i felt my heart race. it would be easy to say that it's the kind of smile you would experience when you meet someone extremely special. but here's the catch. i didn't smile because of someone...

...my notes were splayed all over the Starbucks counter-top along with the notes that seemed to pop out of my laptop screen like 3D animations. i smiled because i knew my destination.

and so i studied on. smile and notes. together in harmony =)

"every object, every being, is a jar full of delight" [Rumi]

Good Day Mate

2011-02-03T22:42:00.000-05:00

i sat next to an australian today.

straight from australia. i wonder if it's ok to call him a fob (fresh off the boat)?
he had the accent, the dirty blonde hair, the not so amazing teeth, a chiseled jaw and body of a baseball player.
far from handsome. he's just a little boy.

but he knows how to write. that he does.

Far From Academia

2011-02-02T20:54:00.001-05:00

http://ubersuper.com/

Write two essays. Read pages 47 to 389. Don’t forget to study! Exam coming up on the 5^th. Paper due next week. Define words and read chapter 13. Fix papers and notes. Put them in order for biostats. Edit the proposal. Meeting with Rochelle. Ask about credit hours. Make a stable schedule. Fulfill all your requirements. Read case studies 1 through 4. Write up the case studies. Read Pragmatists Progress. Find a dress. Make him want me. Quiz on books 1through 13. Come up with questions for magical realism. Pay tuition and check financial aid package. Tell dad to pay for gas bill. Email professor about submissions. Reminder for meeting on Tuesday. Advertise bake sale. Ask Patty to put money into the account. Find early writings of Nietzsche. Get anatomy notes from Mandy. Photocopy and email to self. Study for quiz tomorrow. Work from 5-9pm then from 12-5pm. Get pay slip signed. Don’t forget to breathe. And. Love yourself.

incoherent Babble.

2011-02-02T20:42:00.000-05:00

http://ubersuper.com/

i made love to myself last night. i held myself as the blinds were slowly pulled down to only let a sliver of the moonlight shine through. the rays that escaped and reflected off the ridge of my shoulder let the cascade of my blouse fall on the bed. the caress of my fingers on my own skin almost seemed tantalizingly invigorating as i slowly traced my own stencil. and they say that you can't tickle yourself...

they also happen to say that living once is a prerequisite to eternal happiness. they say that you can't have fallen in love with one person until you've exposed yourself to a dozen more. asking me to peel the layers of my onion for every person i find intimate contact with. wait till they cry and shed tears of anagnorisis (ἀναγνώρισις)

relationship purgatory. i actually liked this phrase a lot; more than the phrase itself, the meaning it held. some synonyms if you don't mind: relationship limbo. relationship remorse. relationship despondency.

i don't entirely believe that i'm putting myself into a relationship purgatory. i'm just simply drenching myself with the elusive cover of life. i'm moving forward and no one is holding me back. i can always tell myself what could have, should have been. but that's not the life i live. i live to sing for me. to dance for me. to shower myself with the sunlight of fresh breath. minty fresh like floss.

i'm independent of dependency. to say that i want to move on to find someone to help me with my self growth is somewhat of a discrepancy. i need my own time to help myself with my own self growth. inevitably you experience growth and development with everyone in your life. each person's contribution will entail different needs and inspirations for you but it doesn't always mean they are the right one for you. maybe just maybe i found the right person for me?

i have no idea. but it feels pretty darn close.

You can't grasp the tangible world of inspiration. look beyond the edge of glass for fear of cutting yourself. the slight slit and sliver of warm blood does not epitomize the warmth of me in your arms.

i do apologize for the incoherent babble. i'm clearly in the midst of articulating way too many thoughts. but i look back and smile because i'm in a pretty great mood.

creative writing class. you rock my socks!

Piquant tête-à-tête

2011-01-24T15:32:00.000-05:00

you can say that i am big on food. i crave it. desire it and find myself immersed in it. one bite needs to be taken in slowly because the sensual touch of food to your tongue and walls of your throat are enough to keep your senses bursting with flavor.

my friend and i decided to start an infamous food blog. yes, maybe it is overdone but we are offering something different. variety. we aren't making the food and we are definitely not getting fat doing it either.

we love traveling and most importantly. eating. please visit this website as you find yourself lost in the food, because that's what it should be. if lovers can be lost under the sheets, then why not?


www.culinary-boner.tumblr.com

Damn. I'm Baller.

2011-01-17T13:26:00.000-05:00

i have to say, i'm a pretty awesome person.

"Maturity comes to those who don't belittle the experiences that lead them to understand themselves. Because with every step of experience, you get involved with knowing yourself."

for as much as you want to believe that something is best for you, God has other plans. and being content with that plan is you owning up to yourself. owning up to being a stronger person because inevitably you're willing to handle change and immerse yourself in a beautiful phenomena called human development. because at the end of the day. the question becomes, who are you and what do you live for?

Damn. I'm Baller.

Love Yourself first.

2011-01-12T18:26:00.000-05:00

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!" [Woody Allen]

i'm going to start off my life with an orgasm. not as an orgasm because then i would be just like everyone else. normal and out of the womb. i won't transgress and decide that foreplay is forbidden when people around me begin to question the existence of God. i'm going to indulge in the foreplay and think about drinking passion iced tea lemonade in 32 degrees fahrenheit weather. and then i'll tell you the limits of your intellect. to know the incapability of your mind and to stop your arrogance in discerning the truth, will you too recognize the power in weakness. because what really is weakness? is it weakness of fulfillment of a desire or is it the weakness of inadequacy? don't think that the knowledge you have is enough to know the truth because sometimes, that's half the battle.

define yourself.

because sometimes we forget that we've allowed others to paint the picture for us. attached are we to them as if happiness stems from their bosom. to forget that our own joys come from our own experiences because I paint my own picture. i chose the green to color the grass, i chose the brown to dig into the earth and gold is the color of the sand as it escapes from my grasp. reality isn't limited to the visible spectrum but what does that even mean? it just means, there are things in this dunya that we don't even have access to and thus comes our undying effort to prove ourselves right.

Belief does not entail a rejection of reason. Rather, it is the most appropriate delegation of roles to each faculty. The mind is at home when working within its limits, and the heart is at home when with the Divine.

are you ready to let go of small things that don't really matter? or am i willing to let go of things that do matter? it's this interchanging thought process. do i question you or must i question myself? it may just be understanding that you can't hide from your subconscious self for too long. you can't let it control your life as it helps you struggle to fight with yourself. detach yourself and live a life on a clean slate. make experiences for yourself that you can learn and grow from. be with people that uplift you and help you see yourself in a new light. chances are...they notice your weakness.

so take a moment to thank them. and don't let them out of your life.

reiteration

2011-01-05T19:09:00.001-05:00

http://www.antilimit.com/gallery/human/58.jpg

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life." [Elizabeth Gilbert]

i beg to differ ms. elizabeth gilbert. because i want to revel in the fact that i can wake up every morning to my soul mate who will challenge me to live my life much more fruitfully. to not only tear me apart but to sew me back so that they know i'm not wounded. to not only reveal my layers but to hold on to each sheet so that they don't disappear because what is a present or a future without it's past? shake me up, tear me apart...please! my borderline addiction is me waiting. to not hear the echo in the chamber of your mouth but to let you sip on my thought bubbles.

don't forget: future isn't one size fits all

so i won't shape my future without keeping my present stable. i won't map out dotted lines and dashes of a life that i wish to have. because i hear, taking money from a pessimist is the best deal. they won't ever expect to get it back. BUT i'd rather glide a henna tube to create intricate lines of twists and turns on a hand that holds the key to your soul. because for every twist i see a challenge and for every turn i see a new day. for every dot i see hesitation and for every curve i see passion. i want to live my life with my soul mate. not without.

because with or without. both is painful. but to be in pain with the one that is yours is like wearing heels that jut into the back of your ankles. you still wear them because the price of beauty transcends health. so you're probably telling me this was a terrible analogy, but i only care to ignore the jargon of those whose logorreah is tantamount to that of ignorant and mundane minds of individuals who waste their time. just remember. pain does not discriminate. people do.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside."
[Rumi]

be Awesome.

2011-01-05T16:08:00.000-05:00

that's all it takes really. you carry around this lump of hesitation in your heart and all you need to do is breathe. you wonder where you'll be in the next month but have forgotten what you need to do this second. you care too much about someone that you forget to care about how you should let that person care for you. and then something ticks you off.....

just be awesome. because that's what you really are. just plain and simple. one word. awesome.

sometimes there is no explanation as to why. sometimes it's the imperfections that truly make something or someone perfect.

that's why it's so easy to smile and let the butterflies meander in my stomach because i secretly love the feeling. to randomly cry because it's more empowering than bottling up the pressure. being able to run because the sweat running down my face and neck in droplets revive the memories of the tickle of your touch. it helps soothe the stress. but i don't want to soothe the stress like ironing out a rumple on a blouse because inevitably it will come back. it always does, but that's why imperfections make life more worth living.

because what is living without a creator? separate are we from what granted us life and what gave us intellect to venture in a world where materialism flourishes whilst poverty scratches the eye of the beholder. dig a hole and bury yourself if you think you too can fly without wings and soar the lands of impeccable beauty, clear waters and life that proliferates more than the love you stifle for fear of rejection.

pull out your prayer materials. put on the necessary accouterments that connect you to the unseen. for respecting the unseen is like an epic job interview. you never know if your prayers will be accepted and you never know if you'll reach far enough to touch the hands of the person who created you.

so sit contently. wait. take a deep breath and pray. you'll be surprised how much it makes a difference especially if you haven't succumbed to engendering prayer as a habitual chore.

"if you are the lamp of the heart, know the road to your home, and if you are of God's nature, know that your master is I!" [Rumi]

Bloviate your Cognoscenti!

2011-01-01T19:58:00.000-05:00

faith in the unseen while my religion is my life

cognoscenti
to be a cognoscenti is somewhat of an ephemeral elan; however i don't mean to bloviate you as the ennui of last year was liminal to the copacetic musings of an apotheosis and a facetious schadenfreude.
arcane
arcane is the fervor of facts that daunt me because i too can sing a soliloquy but that in itself is a filigree a deception and most importantly an ostensible desire feigned by fear
hedgehog's dilemma
and you say you know the couple's hedgehog dilemma. as they find themselves aplomb in their stature and the luscious intimacy entwined between their fingertips as the piquant tête-à-tête develops while they try to moderate their affairs. because self interest is borderline narcissism while selflessness is borderline altruism.
unctuous
a periphrastic approach to an unctuous upheaval of politics and supercilious minds that don't understand humanity. i say defenestrate the next person in line to question a pulchritudinous leviathan, it's the ideal insouciance i say. just beguile your psyche and then your audience.

they say, "arouse in the other person an eager want" but i say, just estivate on the outskirts of a foreign country and invest in a culture you would never imagine to immerse yourself in.

Its Yo Boi

2010-12-11T15:53:00.000-05:00

passionate, quirky, exuberantly high-larious, has a vision and definitely has talent.

abbasRattani | AdoubleB

one of the most intelligent and influential individuals i have met in my life. completely selfless and knows how to make life enjoyable. with his background in islamic studies, philosophy and the sciences; his works won't cease to generate a new profound appreciation of good lyrics and make you do some of your own research as you try to find out the broader meaning of some his alternative messages geared towards promoting dialogue of issues and topics necessary in today's society.

make sure to check out this new upcoming entertainer as he tries to make it big some day. to make that possible support him by visiting his website and as he would say it, "HOLLA AT CHA BOY!!!"

www.abbasrattani.com

Cyclical Process

2010-12-01T17:01:00.000-05:00

To Do List:
BLOG

almost two and a half months later and my to-do list still has yet to occur. i almost felt guilty not updating this blog for a while. so much has taken place since the last post that i'm not even sure where to begin. a friend stated that blogging shouldn't be a cyclical process. i didn't understand his statement during the moment. as i found myself available with time and began the context of his statement. or rather, took it upon myself to take it to my own understanding.

imagine yourself staring at a pinwheel of different colors. you don't ever know where the beginning was or where the ending is. there's always a dynamic of how fast or slow it spins and at a point it even summons itself to stop. without any outside medium to help it start up again, it remains stagnant and at its still position. essentially that is how we've begun to see ourselves work. many of us don't know where we begin and sometimes don't know where we'll end up. through different milestones and lack thereof, we begin to change our colors one petal at a time. the inherent development that pursues engulf us all in a blanket of colors and strength so turbulent that we only experienced it while in our mothers' womb. the tossing and turning and the eventual crown of the head peaking through the opening to have the first contact of air tickle the small apparent ciliated hairs of our head.

transition. conversion. metamorphosis.

people are subject to change. it's an inevitable part of human nature. consider yourself an indeterminate form as philosophized by Italian renaissance writer Pico from his work Oration on the Dignity of Man. predisposed to natural inquiries, curiosity and a constant contemplative mode. it's all too sad to see people live their lives based off of a set guide of principles and doctrines that hold not profound meaning without the individual striving to internalize. it's being able to see the fallacies in the very belief system that has been imbibed in us, shaping us and promoting us to promulgate it.

we need to learn to question. effectively question. sometimes the people who rock the boat the hardest are the ones that are noticed first. who said going against the grain was going to be easy?

overdue silence?

2010-11-27T20:46:00.000-05:00

december creeps around the corner and i sometimes wonder why i haven't written on here consistently for about three months. but then i realize, it's an outlet that i willingly have chosen to expose my inner most feelings, musings, meandering thoughts and the like. for a good amount of time i've been treating this blog as an assignment. an assignment to document my daily introspective and after a while it becomes a chore.

alas, so the break began....

look forward to some interesting posts as there have been much to update on.

Catch me if you can!

2010-08-22T10:32:00.000-04:00

yes the back of my head in brown. [photo from drexel msa's flickr page]

it's time for me to play catch up.

my sincere apologies for not posting for days 9, 10, or 11. my reasons:

day 9 and 10 = philadelphia = no internet
day 11 = back from philadelphia and fell ill >.<

but in my efforts to summarize and entertain you guys, i will condense my 3 days into one post. that is the least i can do.

day 9 | "run run run.....!!!"

you know you're in philadelphia when thieves run out of a trolley yelling, while the poor kid that got robbed running after them.

let's just say, my apartment is not better than a box. well, a creative box. i have no cable or internet. so try to imagine me itching my hands to get to a computer at around the same time i usually sit down to write. it's like watching a schizophrenic flie.

this specific day i ran around like a squirrel trying to get all my paperwork done before the semester begins next week. the heat gets to you after awhile and you don't realize it till you lay down and end up taking a 3 hour nap and waking up to your sister saying that your apartment is boring. she was right. so we ended up going to Drexel University to break fast with the msa and anyone else who wanted to join.

let's just say i'm glad i ended up going because networking and getting to know new people is truly a blessing. sometimes strangers have such a large impact during that one moment, that it shapes a bit of your character for the rest of your life. subhan'Allah.

i met a UPenn dental grad student who just came from Michigan. masha'Allah she is so sweet and super friendly. sometimes people like her shouldn't be left alone with knowing absolutely no one in the city. we ended up spending the rest of the evening and the wee hours of midnight together along with a couple of her classmates while enjoying some frozen yogurt.

Imam Sadiq (a) said: "Be careful to have truthful friends and try to obtain them, for they are your support when you are in welfare, and your advocator when you have misfortune." -Bihar-ul-Anwar vol. 74, p.187

day 10 | "there is privacy with God. not without."

it was jum'a Friday and what better way to spend it then going to jum'a on UPenn's campus. the khutba was invigorating as brother khalil muhsin reminded us to be one amongst our community. to forget labels and distinctions but to come together because we are all muslims. in the end, that is all that matters, right?

leaving jum'a inspired is always a good feeling. you come out smiling and your heart one layer lighter. now multiply that by 5 bajillion because of ramadan.

to prevent my sister from saying, "your apartment is so boring!", i decided to take her and the grad student (mentioned in day 9) to the city. to save money, we walked. in the heat. while fasting. not sure how that became the decision, but a good one. it was probably the best way to experience the city and get a feel for the philly culture. both good and bad.

today's main event was to attend the Drexel MSA's first ever Fast-a-Thon. masha'Allah, much mabrook to them as they organized a very successful event. Amazing food, amazing people and an amazing presentation. just watching the video about the Pakistan Flood Crisis does inherently brings about emotions that didn't take much effort to get. subhan'Allah. while we're here breaking our fast. there are millions in Pakistan that can't even think to live another day.

brother Marc Manley brought up an excellent point.

"Constantly being bombarded by pictures desensitizes society. We lose emotion to the situations happening around us."

don't let this happen to you. we must limit ourselves as to what we see and how much of it we can tolerate. again, remember the people of Pakistan in your duas. they need it right now. subhan'Allah.

and to end any beautiful day, many of us prayed taraweeh at masjid al-jamia. not one of my favorite masajids to be honest; however the recitation of the imam is absolutely beautiful and will send chills down your body.

"The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful, and when His verses are recited to them, it increases them in faith; and upon their Lord they rely..." [Qur'an 8:2]

day 11 | "it's abraham lincoln!"

back home from philly and already have to attend an iftari. on the bright side: i get to see some faces i haven't seen in a while and amazing food!

i absolutely love how obscenely creative kids can be. i am telling you, society is forcing kids to grow up way too quickly. it's a bit sad actually. there used to be a time when children aged 5-10 were not perverted, but just playful. subhan'Allah. regardless, it's always entertaining. especially when it's time for them to understand the human body and they decide to replicate the infamous "happy-places" with lego's yelling, "it's abraham lincoln!"

i think that was enough for me to handle because as soon as i got home, thinking i would make it to taraweeh when instead i just rolled in to bed sick to my stomach. the change in weather is really detrimental especially when you're fasting.

[Remember] when your Lord inspired to the angels, "I am with you, so strengthen those who have believed. I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieved, so strike [them] upon the necks and strike from them every fingertip." [Qur'an 8:12]

**by summarizing all these days, i obviously lost my regular zest of writing. i guess it's my lesson to make sure i post regularly instead of doing everything at once like a nurse shoving food down a patients throught. trust me. not a pretty sight.

May Allah (swt) give us the tawfiq to increase our spiritual state. May He purify our hearts and forgive our sins. May He accept our worship and allow us to genuinely get closer to Him. Ameen.

Babes

2010-08-18T20:54:00.001-04:00

day 8 | "i really want that lamb sausage sandwich.....PLEASE!"

this is my sister begging for me to let her have a sandwich as soon as we get to philly tomorrow.

philly for a couple of days to help raise awareness and give some donations for the Pakistan flood crisis by attending the first Fast-A-Thon from the university city area at Drexel University.

unfortunately, today is a much curtailed post. my sincere apologies. i could have skipped today, but i figured why skip a day when i can just share another amazing taraweeh truffle =)

Tawheed during Taraweeh

2010-08-18T02:05:00.000-04:00

day 7 | "it is not a book of prophets, or of the dunya, or of rules...it is the book of tawheed..."

this is why i love taraweeh at mustafa center <3

no matter what surah you read. no matter what dua you are making. no matter what prayer you're praying. you are recognizing that there is one God. your Creator. your Lord. the Fashioner of things both good an evil. the One that wishes to Guide you and Forgive you for your sins. the One that remembers you when you remember Him. subhan'Allah.

do you know want to know something?

as soon as people find this new revelation. they are quick to forget. this also includes me. i speak to myself before i speak to others. i really need to find a way to internalize all the enlightenment that i receive. notes upon notes. quotes upon quotes. statuses upon statuses. YET, we still find ourselves fighting with our inner nafs. but let's not forget. that is why the human creation is beautiful. because we are weak. and we will continue to be weak. this very weakness is our strength. without it, we might not be striving for Allah (swt).

just remember La ilaha ila Allah (لاإله إلا الله) | "There is no God but Allah"

now enjoy a Taraweeh Truffle brought to you by Muhammed Alshareef:

"Fearing or desiring anything other than God runs contrary to trust an dreliance on God (tawakkul). If one is obsessed with other mortals, his or her reliance on God is weak. This diminishes one's certainty in God (yaqin) an dcertainty that everything good - all that is worthy of pursuit and time - comes from none other than God. The cause of many diseases of the heart can be traced back to a lack of certainty and an impaired sense of faith and trust in God."

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf [Purification of the Heart]

Hole during Salah

2010-08-16T18:59:00.005-04:00

day 6 | "please fill in the gaps sisters!"

what not to do for the next suhoor....especially when i'm late >.<

eat one bowl of cereal and drinking water thinking i'll survive the rest of the day.

alhamdulillah, i'm not dying. (i've done this way too many countless times before during the school semester. those were the days when i was terrible at waking up for fajr)

let me just say, i'm very anal and have mild OCD. i wish i was joking, but most of my friends can and will attest to that. today i almost found myself explaining to the sister next to me that the reason why i could stand so close to her was because both my feet couldn't be on two separate prayer mats. i don't know why i'm so strange, so to save her from hearing my story. i dealt with it. it was the most terrible feeling ever.

but alhamdulillah, the prayer continued.

one thing that does irk me is the fact that people really need to stop being "shy" and fill in the gaps. its more frustrating hearing one of the aunties yelling at you to fill in the gaps. let's save ourselves the lack of concentration and leave the holes back at home. it's much more gratifying being able to pray and not lose concentration. taraweeh or any of prayer for that matter seems to hold much more significance. the mosque is a place for worship. so insha'Allah, let's do just that.

last time i checked, it is the month of Ramadan. subhan'Allah. let's try bringing ourselves closer to our Lord.

"When speaking of the purification of the heart, it is important to know that "purification" is not a state, but an ongoing process. Just as we go through a day careful about our bodily cleanliness, we must similarly tend to our spiritual purity, for purification and sincerity do not survive a passive relationship."

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf [Purification of the Heart]

Good Ole' Times?

2010-08-15T23:52:00.005-04:00

day 5 | "find yourself tape, i don't have any..."

i took a short trip down memory lane today around asr time. all in the name of doing my sister HER JOB. subhan'Allah.

it was just moi, my mom's car and an all too familiar neighborhood as i took a left turn and headed toward my childhood masajid. it no longer looked like a broken down church with one entrance for both men and women. nor did i smell the scent of freshly worn shoes and un-washed socks. what didn't change? the fact that leadership of the mosque was still disorganized and leaves you feeling awkward.

good ole' memories? i'd skip that sensation. as i look back, you can say this masajid is one that highly concentrated on the cultural upbringing of Islam vs. the islamic upbringing of islam. as in a lot of the practices of this masajid are much more cultural rather than islamic.

for example: if you leave your prayer mat and don't fold the corner, shaytan will come pray on it. [shaytan doesn't pray. so it shouldn't make a difference if you fold the corner or not]

allah khair, i've outgrown these beautiful superstitions and countless debacles with aunties and uncles. you quickly realize that it's sometimes hard to tell an elderly that what they've learned until now has no correlation to the true Islam. May Allah (swt) guide us all on the straight path. a path of those whom He has favored.

"A straight line is the shortest distance between two points and is therfore unique. Whoever leads a straight and righteous life will be on the right path to God, for that is the one and only sure and direct way that leads to Him."

-Shaykh Muhammad al-Ghazali

but to top off my day, i have to say would be what the imam told me. i was attempting to get permission to post up a flyer for a Haiti Relief Fundraiser sponsored by Muslim Without Borders. pretty simple task; however, the imam had no idea what to do with me. after minutes of repeating myself and stating my purpose he finally allowed me to post up the flyer.

one problem. i didn't have tape. so i asked if the masajid had anything. imam's reply: "find yourself tape. i don't have any..."

subhan'Allah. how i love fob's (fresh of the boat aka foreigners).

"A believer's life is controlled by his or her fear of God and the promise of His mercy and compassion. These are the two strong forces guiding believers in this world and preparing them to account before their Lord sooner or later in the hereafter."

-Shaykh Muhammad al-Ghazali [In regards to Surah Al-Nisa]

Human Dignity

2010-08-15T00:45:00.002-04:00

it's still technically day 4 for me. suhoor hasn't hit me yet, so insha'Allah this particular post will be regarding my fourth day of ramadan.

day 4 | "human dignity is important. regardless of what faith you practice..."

to cherish mankind and nature, you need to understand human dignity. it is something that is embedded with in us and for us to utilize wisely in this life. it doesn't matter if you're christian, muslim or a jew. you need to want to care about humanity. you need to want to make a difference. understand the concept of knowledge and the information you obtain.

subhan'Allah. these aren't my musings at all. what if i told you it was a homeless man who dictated such wisdom to me?

today my sister and i decided to do something much more inspirational with our ramadan. so we hopped on to the imaan strengthening boat this morning at 9am and went on a "Quest for Best". it was an opportunity by our masajid's youth group in which we part took in a day similar to that of Project Downtown. we prepared a meal and distributed it to the homeless. but it was more than the fact that we were giving food to people who were less fortunate. it was about fostering a relationship with these very people and giving them the time and respect for Allah (swt) could have easily placed us in their position; but by His Will, we weren't.

this morning was about understanding what truly lies within our hearts and whether or not we could understand the great depth of humanity with its explicit demonstration of human fragility and destitution. subhan'Allah. it gives you chills to realize that you need to be observant of everything that you do and of everything that you DON'T do.

feeding one homeless during ramadan is like feeding 70 people. imagine that.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "O God, grant me life as a poor man, cause me to die as a poor man and resurrect me in the company of the poor." His wife asked him why he said that, and he replied: "Because (the poor) will enter Paradise (before) the rich. Do not turn away a poor man even if all you can give is half a date. If you love the poor and bring them near you, God will bring you near Him on the Day of Resurrection."
-Al-Tirmidhi [Hadith 1376]

Morning Surprise

2010-08-13T12:40:00.005-04:00

i got some pleasant news this morning.

officially a Pennsylvania Msa National East Zone Representative.

wonder what that means? just visit the msa national website for more information and ways you can make your msa more active and informed insha'Allah.

day 3 | "i want mac n' cheese with keema please!"

how often do you sit down for iftar and find yourself eating a meal high in proteins, low in greasy oil, abundant in whole grains and buckets load of water?

close to none i imagine

as a south asian, i can say that i'm very accustomed to plates filled with samosas, fried bengali delicacies that leave you with heartburn, biryani, pakoras galore and gallons of juice. you get the after affects while in sajdah during taraweeh prayer when you the auntie right next to you decides to let out that infamous fragrant burp with details of their iftar.

well, i'm taking a stand and going to experience my iftars differently this ramadan insha'Allah. waking up for suhoor, i want to be able to eat a meal that will not only keep me full for awhile but also supply me with energy.

things to include for a meal during suhoor:

whole grain bread (stays in your stomach for 8 hours)
protein rich foods (example: eggs)
lots of h2o
vitamins
fiber
vegetables and fruits (helps prevent constipation)
low-fat milk

DON'T:

fried foods
white bread (stays in your stomach for 2 hours)
Sugar
Tea (you'll urinate frequently and get rid of the essential mineral salts your body might need during the day)
left over iftaar (you know what i'm talking about, don't eat that chicken biryani)
overeat during suhoor!

if you really take this small tips to heart and try to change your meal at 4 am, trust me: IT HELPS!

now to go on about iftar. it's the same deal as suhoor. just this time, you want to replenish your body and feed it what it needs.

if you really want a heavy iftar try:

meat
egg yolk
fish (excellent source of protein and minerals)
herbal spices such as cumin, oregano, rosemary, paprika (they have therapeutic effects like preventing cancer)

but DON'T:

eat foods with a lot of salt (that's the last thing you want to do is take away water from your body)
smoke (i'm not joking, some folks really do this!)
fried foods (samosas, pakoras, etc... However, if you do have them, please limit the in-take amount)
rich-spicy foods (which will increase the possibility of heartburn)

that's my little schpiel on healthy fasting habits to observe now while we're all still young. alhamdulillah, it really does make a difference and your body will love you.

as you all know by now, there have been disasters after disaster in the past year now. subhan'Allah. after reading about the Pakistan Flood Crisis, one can easily say that we take our homes, families and life for granted sometimes. to be able to understand and comprehend exactly how the families and individuals in Pakistan feel is close to unfathomable. we haven't been ravished by a devastating flood taking away our very belongings and tossing our lives in the hands of mother nature. although we can not understand and vicariously feel the pain of the flood victims; we can verily help alleviate their suffering.

*just click on the photo above to donate, insha'Allah.

"For faith to be complete, mere or abstract knowledge is not sufficient. A believer has to attest to his or her belief and indicate to God that he or she has received the message and is ready and willing to obey Him; or as the Qur'an puts it: "We Hear and we obey, grant us Your forgiveness, Lord; to You we shall all return" [Surah al-Baqarah 2:285]"

-Shaykh Muhammad al-Ghazali [A Thematic Commentary on the Qur'an]

Rubics Cube

2010-08-12T23:52:00.006-04:00

Ramadan Kareem! Subhan'Allah the blessed month is finally here. May Allah (swt) give us the tawfiq to increase our spiritual state and may this month open many doors of Rahma and Forgiveness.

"Ramadan is the (month) in which the Quran was sent down, as a guide to mankind and a clear guidance and judgment (so that mankind will distinguish from right and wrong)..." [Quran 2:183]

how are you going to make the most out of this ramadan?
how close are you truly to your Lord?
have you picked up the quran yet?

my blogger buddy over at Grains of Sand gave me a brilliant idea. to keep me incessantly enlightened and to receive the most out of this ramadan, i'm going to try my best to blog about my experiences within this blessed month, everyday. keyword being TRY.

this is officially my second day which means i've missed the first post. so to save myself i'll divulge you guys of both days.

day 1 | "if only i could put little kids in my pocket"

i seriously am considering getting a baby. a child. a toddler. an infant. SANS the marriage, sex and pregnancy.

subhan'Allah, it melts my heart when little kids say salaam to you and have this special twinkle in their eye while their parents are fasting. it could possibly be the mere fact that they know they'll be getting quite a meal for iftaar, but regardless; these moments remind me of the Prophet Muhammed (Peace Be Upon Him) and his outstanding behavioral etiquette with children.

but you're probably wondering what this has to do with ramadan? well i encountered a small boy at the local halal supermarket and had the opportunity to strike up an incoherent conversation with him. all i have to say is, it made my day when he left the store saying, "ana bahabick! will you guys be here tomorrow?"

day 2 | "you know you're in taraweeh when everyone around you are moving around and rearranging themselves like they're the human rubics cube"

nothing satiates my spiritual heart than taraweeh at my local masajid. alhamdulillah the beautiful recitation of the imam softens your heart and kneads your soul as you leave craving more.

during taraweeh prayer i have to say, i observe the most insane positions. aunties, teens, grandmothers, little children all rearranging themselves and trying to fit into every nook and cranny in order to make the most of taraweeh. subhan'Allah. i think i was hit in the face with someone's butt 3 times now. but i have to say...it adds to the moment and feeds you the essence of ramadan.

28 more days. 28 more posts.
i wonder if i'll be able to entertain you all with my ramadan rendezvous?

"As an expression of praise and gratitude to God the Surah (Al-Fatihah [The Opening Chapter]) represents the very heart and soul of the Qur'an and, although it is one of the shorter Surahs, it is often considered to be the most illustrious of them all. Al-Fatihah conveys the quintessential ideal of Islam giving expression and definition to the covenant made between human beings and God upon which the mission and task of humankind in this world has been founded. It is, moreover, an earnest prayer to God, a heartfelt plea to show humans the right way, give them guidance and make them deserving of His pleasure and benevolence."

-Shaykh Muhammad al-Ghazali [A Thematic Commentary on the Qur'an]

Lack-Luster Indeed

2010-07-29T15:36:00.006-04:00

you hear the thunder strike once. you keep your composure because you know it doesn't terrify you, but the sound reverberates through your body and reaches your chest. you hold your breath for a short second. turn your head. just a second ago there was light pouring into the room like a waterfall of bright white. now all you see between the cracks of the curtains are the sultry looks of the gray clouds and the disheveled pattern of the downpour of rain. it's actually quite beautiful. especially when you have ludovico einaudi's primavera playing on repeat on your itunes. try matching the flow of the music with the flow of the rain falling on the rooftops. subhan'Allah.

for the past couple of weeks, i've attempted so many times to write a post. as you can tell, that attempt has failed miserably. to be honest, the best posts that i do have are conjured up right as my head hits the pillow and the bed slowly embraces every curve of my body. who wants to get up and type or let alone write anything?! gahhhh, but alhamdulillah...i end up with the most random dreams which keep me asleep for more than 8 hours. this is summer "bummness" to the max. warning: do not try that at home or at anytime in your life. it's far more healthy to be doing something, even if it's pacing back and forth in your room reading a book.

this is one reason why i would like for ramadan to be here asap. because fasting is far more entertaining than going on facebook and gmail everyday. far more productive than typing up and replying to emails every 2 hours. and far more productive than waiting for the fall semester to begin.

actually...i need a job.

funny thing is, i got a void check in the mail today stating how much i received for working about 2 weeks ago. you guys. i haven't been anywhere to work! where is this money coming from?

and a momentary tangent disrupts my thoughts. regardless, it doesn't take away from the fact that i havent' been posting regularly. i do; however, have some good news. this summer seems to be the season to be wed. alhamdulillah i just want to send out my duas to my girlfriends who found men that liked it and put a ring on it! May Allah (Swt) strengthen the new couple's hearts with faith and let them increase in their love and commitment to You through their bond. i was over joyed and so happy for these ladies. it just makes you realize that sometimes you're either ready for it or you're not. wondering what boat i'm in? to be honest. i'm not sure. i'm in the "let's be realistic" boat. it would be nice to be with someone you can call: husband, friend, lover, advisor, hater now and then, gym buddy, conference hopping pal or to have someone to lean on when the rest of the world is too tough or someone to argue with because it is a kind of stress relief? it's a nice thought, but i can wait. insha'Allah, that's the best thing to do.

but it can also be a trifling thought. to know that sometimes people don't want to wait but they don't want to get married either. what would you name that boat?

anyhow, slowly backing away from the topic of settling down and getting hitched (which seems to be the "it" topic in the muslimah blogosphere lately), i'll move on to asking if any of you are doing anything to prepare yourself for ramadan? i know recently another friend of mine and i were discussing how to stay fit during ramadan and how to maintain a work-out plan. at the same time, i fell across this article from suhaib webb's blog: The Ramadan Nutrition and Workout Plan for Success. i highly recommend checking it out as it offers a meal plan and when to work out during ramadan. mind you ladies, please adjust according to your body type and weight.

and just in case you want a little bit of motivation, join Productive Muslim as they take on Ramadan: ProductiveRamadan

insha'Allah May Allah (swt) give us all the tawfiq to strive to make the best of ramadan this summer. May He forgive us for our shortcomings and constantly send us guidance as we are His slaves.

Mini Excursions

2010-07-22T20:22:00.012-04:00

i had one hour to kill before i caught the bus back home to dc from my little pit stop in philly for a couple of days. what do you do for an hour waiting for a bus?

*twiddles thumb subconsciously*

ok, so i'm in chinatown. you can't go wrong with doing something so why not:
1) walk around
2) grab bubble tea smoothie from favorite chinatown bakery (Greenland)
3) see the streets of center city philly alone

walking around was probably a good idea, considering i worked up about 2 bucket loads of sweat. sorry if that's too much information but with weather like this lately...i know everyone else is in the same boat. subhan'Allah. walking is honestly the best thing you can do for yourself if you don't like waking up for fajr and running (i suggest trying that first. amazing feeling.)

now if you're wondering what on earth bubble tea smoothie is. don't fear. it's an asian drink that incorporates flavors like: mango, coconut, taro, pineapple, strawberry, melon, etc... into either a tea or tea smoothie which is then filled with tapioca balls. *caution* i just want to warn and say that not a lot of people actually like the tapioca balls. (they have this jelly like texture that has no distinct flavor. it incorporates itself with the flavor of the drink.) but why is Greenland my favorite? the flavors are fresh and not artificial. you get the real fruit and they make it right in front of you for a price you know you got your money's worth. my mouth is actually watering as i type this up. for anyone not too fond of the tapioca balls, i would suggest having the mango smoothie. on a scorching hot day it's something you'll want melting down your throat as your body suits itself to the cool refreshing feeling of ice and mangoes.

while i'm slowly trying hard to not run out of my cold drink in my hand, i've already found myself between 12th street and 13th street amongst small shops i've never seen before. it was quite too entirely fascinating. boutiques, cafe's and restaurants that offered a taste of the raw urban culture of the area. you would think that walking alone in the city is a "lonely" experience; however, i beg to differ. i would recommend it any day.

6 dollar movie!

2010-07-18T23:27:00.003-04:00

i could possibly be in a dream right now. *so i pinch myself* and lo and behold....there comes the pain....

woke up early to see the early show of inception. why? because maybe i haven't made myself clear in some previous posts but, i'm a poor college student! i usually pay 12 dollars after 12pm but apparently, seeing the movie earlier in the day means half off! 6 bucks baby, i'm definitely a bargain hunter.

...so here's where i should start talking about the movie right?

you guys...

....i can't! you're really going to have to watch it because 10 years in making for Christopher Nolan was not a joke. it was so intense that i'm going to go see it one more time. and then watch it online, and then maybe just maybe buy the dvd.

truth is, i still don't know if i'm dreaming or not.

Love Triangle

2010-07-06T21:44:00.009-04:00

as he slowly reached for my hand, my heart began to pound so hard you would think an airplane was taking off. words can't describe how blessed it was to know the love we shared...

now did you really think i was going to write a sappy love story? i hope not, because then you're not at the right blog! but in all seriousness i would like to talk about my one friend before i begin this post.

masha'Allah, where to begin. this sister is such an inspiration to not only me and to those around her, but also to herself. i don't think i'd have so much enthusiasm for this deen if i didn't know her. her approach to Islam and all it's wonders always blows me away. she's never afraid to hear the truth and accepts that we all have faults within ourselves. this muslimah always brings something new to the table and i constantly and consistently soak up everything she has to offer. subhan'Allah, the way some of us are always pushed to become better individuals is invariably the most impressive aspect of human behavior that i've encountered.

i bring up this sister solely for the purpose of my current post. she recently had the chance to travel to the windy city Chicago and experience a weekend of enlightening information at ISNA (islamic society of north america) 2010. she attended this one lecture and was kind enough to write about it in a post on facebook. [this is my interpretation and not so amazing summary of her post. May Allah (swt) forgive me for any mistakes that may be done through this post.]

have you ever belly flopped into a pool? felt the pain as if 5 billion pins and needles punctured you from your head to the tips of your toes. that's reality hitting you, because you know you didn't dive correctly. when i read her post, that's just what happened. i hadn't realized that the answer to a question i've asked many times was answered. right there. point blank. subhan'Allah.

the question: why are we always on this imaan high/boost after every Islamic conference or gathering, but can't seem to maintain it for the rest of our life?
the answer: we are stuck in a love triangle. *ding* it makes complete and absolute sense.

what better way then to realize that the only reason why we ever have a dosage of imaan boost for such a short period of time is exclusively because its just that. an imaan boost. it's like an energy shot. energy shots don't last for that long. 2-3 hours give or take right? our imaan boosts tend to last us from as little as a couple of weeks to as much as a couple of months till we're drained of the enlightenment we received from these very conferences or meetings.

but why is it called a love triangle? the most basic explication is this. let's see if my not so amazing diagram can explain it:

you---> amazing religious speaker (ex. Br. Wisam Sherrief) ---> God

when you take the amazing religious speaker out of this (it was supposed to be a triangle) equation, you're left with a void that prevents you from reaching God yourself.

*Cha Ching*

enraptured by these speakers and always never failing to get every word in our notepads, laptops or even recorders that we don't comprehend the fact that we are experiencing our connection with God through them. and once we remove them, this so-called "connection" we had with our deen slowly fades away as if you're watching words from a paper getting slowly erased.

how do we fix this?! well easier said than done. we need to re-word the equation:

you ---> God <---amazing religious speaker (ex. Br. Wisam Sherrief)

we want to first make our connection with God. if there's something wrong, if we're upset, if we're happy, if we're sad, instead of telling the whole world via facebook, twitter, myspace, your face, everyone's space; let's just tell God himself? dhikr is something i've taken for granted, and i think it's a habit i need to commit myself to more often along with prayer.

i need to promise myself to make my connection with God and the means to make that possible a habit just like i make washing my face and brushing my teeth every night a habit. it's about telling ourselves what we're truly losing by vicariously enduring the essence of this connection with God through people who have already utilized the second equation. they aren't helping us if we can't understand how to help ourselves.

May Allah (swt) give us all the tawfiq to understand what we need in this dunya and how to obtain the best way to reconnect with Him in a health fashion. May He bless my friend in her efforts to remind us all how important it is to understand the importance of deen and internalizing it.

*If you have gained anything for your benefit than it is from the Creator and Fashioner of all things good and Evil. But if you have been offended or led astray and have found a mistake, it is all on me*

i absolutely did not do my friend's post any justice. Subhan'Allah. so my apologies. however, this is my rendition and what i was able to take from it.

When reason reaches its peak and the souls of His lovers feel helpless and disabled, they grow restless and stretch their hands in supplication, seeking comfort for their burning souls. When every manner of search within their power has been consumed, the doorway to Him is opened.

- Al-Hujwiri, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"

Bus Ride...

2010-05-22T11:23:00.005-04:00

on a bus back to philly. terrible internet connection. homeless guy gives me a begonia. asks me for a doller. watched the hangover on the bus ride. insha'Allah found myself a ride to connecticut. connecticut means ICNA. did i mention i'm a poor college student?

this sums up my bus ride. Subhan'Allah, the things that happen in our life amuse me to the most maximum extent. to be quite honest, i would recommend living away from home for at the very least 2 years. you'll find yourself in so many situations that force you to observe not only society but yourself. are you capable of handling the unpredictable conditions that Allah (swt) has put everyone else in?

alas, this was me killing time while on a bus. i refuse to take a nap and miss seeing the city landscape as we come closer into the center city area.

till next time with a more thought provoking post, insha'Allah.

Finally Back!

2010-05-14T14:35:00.002-04:00

the feeling of the crisp cold touch of water, as the smooth pressure flows off your face into the sink in the morning could possibly top my list of best rejuvenation methods. but do you know what feels better? the euphoric state that i find myself after prayer.

this post was long overdue and i apologize for not being able to update. a semester of studying, traveling to different states, losing sense of who i am, losing friends, finding friends, finding out that i might not actually know what my future holds and lastly: remembering Allah (swt).

for as much as i want to believe my life is ok, there's that much more uncertainty. Alhamdulillah. this is when i take a step back and realize the extent to which we see ourselves in this dunya. time and time again, it's about reminding ourselves. reminding myself.

we like to think that there needs to be a balance between deen and dunya. yet how quickly we forget to leave behind the thought that deen and dunya can't be mutually exclusive. one needs to lace the remembrance of Allah (swt) with every breath that one takes. so that for every inhalation taken, the exhalation is just the same.

i wish i could have updated because my stream of consciousness would be more coherent. but Allah Khair, take it for what it is. i think i've been deceived enough times this year to become almost immune to people building up a facade to only realize they had other errands.

my worst enemy is probably myself. not realizing that this is reality. people use you, abuse you and break you. for the amount of confidence you had been working on, there's that much more ambivalence. sometimes i forget that not everyone is as kind as they make themselves out to be. not everyone understands you (including your friends). but that seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? your friend doesn't understand you.

since the year is over, it's high time i started updating again insha'Allah. i'll try to get in a video blog as well.

new things in my life:
-changing my major
-new apartment (aka...living off campus)
-3 friends getting married this summer! Subhan'Allah
-want to go back to Georgia!

i promise to talk more about my amazing trip to Georgia along with my change of major plans. i may need help from all you bloggers out there!

*sorry this isn't my usual post. you can call it jet lag for a lack of better words.*

Check please! (More like reality check ma'am)

2010-03-09T18:59:00.004-05:00

from now on i'm going to give myself advice through this blog.

when i'm frustrated, irked, or even confused... i'm going to come here and pour it out like you would pour a cup of rice into a boiling pot of water.

truth be told, there's an art to helping someone. even if it's in their best interest you need to realize that it may just backfire into your face and cause such disturbing broils of pain and irritation that it's just best to step away. i know i forget, but you need to let other people make their mistakes so that they can learn.

i'd like to say i'm generous with my emotions to everyone. friends and acquaintances included. but i need to spare myself the bittersweet taste of misinterpretation. not everyone believes in following through with certain things the way i do. and that's my problem. my problem is trying to help when its not wanted. sweet disaster. Allah Khair.

for anyone who's reading my blog (especially all you college students), please try this at your own time:
1) ask yourself, what have you done today to remember Allah (swt)

2) look deep into your heart and resolve any unwanted feelings and tell yourself to renew your intentions constantly and consistently.

3) be critical of yourself. if you're not, then you won't appreciate the advise others give you.

4) don't allow yourself to succumb to thoughts and perceptions of others who don't know what's happening in your life. if you let that affect you, you won't find it in yourself to improve. for others, this can be a sense of motivation.

5) find something to motivate you spiritually. uplift your soul and cleanse your heart and mind through basic acts of worship and dhikr.

6) don't forget to take a walk and breathe. exercise if you need to.

7) please make sure you watch what you say. sometimes sarcasm can be interpreted as a sneer jibing remark. the last thing you want is the assumption of someone else.

8) love everyone for the sake of Allah (swt)

9) love yourself for the sake of Allah (swt) and don't doubt yourself. there's a reason as to why you may be going through a lot. trials and tribulations. fight it and transcend it.

10) don't be afraid to let Islam embrace you. imagine getting cozy underneath your comforter during the blizzard 9am in the morning. breath in the truth of the Qur'An like you would breathe in the freshly sprayed febreeze. If you really wanted it, then let you heart be open.
________________________

Yusr, “ease,” seems perhaps too difficult a concept to think about. If you think about it, even thinking is hard to begin with! Thinking usually means reading a lot – books, Quran, and ahadith. Thinking means listening to the wise ones before us, watching the good and the bad from those who have experienced our plights beforehand. Thinking means restructuring our absorbed blips and bloops of knowledge into categorical data. And finally, thinking means exercising your mind to the highest epitome of performance, to systematically reflect upon those sacred (and non-sacred) texts themselves and critique the perceptions of others to arrive at our own conclusions. That is what thinking is, as Allah described: “Will they not, then, reflect on the Quran…” 4:82. [written by Sr. Eman Haggag from Suhaib Webb's Blog]

you can't mold hard clay unless you break it. mold it when its soft and flexible. -my mumsie.

I now pronounce you.......the JUDGE.

2010-03-09T00:24:00.003-05:00

Befriend those that motivate you and are not negative. The scholars say it is not nifaaq (hypocritical) if a person’s Islam and emaan are better when they are around righteous friends because this is part of the sunnah of our deen. Allah says: “And keep yourself patiently with those who call on their Lord morning and afternoon, seeking His Face; and let not your eyes overlook them.” [Quran, 18:28]

this was an excerpt from Imam Suhaib Webb's blog. masha'Allah, i browse through almost everyday and without a doubt i learn something new everyday.

alas, i'm going to let out some anger. but before i begin.
"a'udhu billahi min ash-shaytan ar-rajim" (i seek protection in Allah from the accursed shaytan)

(fyi: this won't be my regular creative post, unfortunately)

i find it quite comical to see how defensive individuals can get. especially when the defense is laced with the intricate diction of the Qur'an just as two lovers intricately weave their fingers through each others hair grasping for fear of letting go. i admire the use of the Qur'an because there is much to learn and much to love. to appreciate that which was sent down from our Creator deserves the best recognition. but where to find the best recognition?

our heart. our heart should beat to the name of Allah (swt) and grieve in pain for every time we curse his name or simply when we forget.

but don't use it for the sake of justifying your actions. Ya Allah, forgive me for every time i try to use the Qur'an for justifying actions of my own that were blatantly against the norms of Islam. its about intentions. what lies in your heart, only Allah (swt) knows. you can't constantly rely on the Qur'an to save you from situations you blatantly part-take in knowing the consequences.

"When you put yourself in suspicious situations, you should not blame others for cultivating bad thoughts about you" -Umar Ibn Al Khattab

we're all guilty of this. we live in a society where the watchful eyes have become pestering ping pong balls ready to bounce when they see something "haram". but alhamdulillah, i'd like to say that most of us are sane enough to watch ourselves. granted, we can't always be so quick to assume that every eye has become a judging hawk. if that be the case, we are now entering the realm of paranoia. now you know you're doing something wrong, and using the beautiful diction of Allah (swt) can't lead you out if you have been blinded due to your obsession of haya (desires).

i promise you, one more time i'm hear a hadith about back-biting, hypocrisy and judging people, i will literally start running till i find a beautiful quite pond and just immerse myself in it. immerse in it till i tell myself, what can i do to better myself as a Muslimah. what am i truly doing wrong? and why is it that its the same person telling me this indirectly?

again, these hadiths conveniently always comes from one person and only that same person. if it were coming from many, i'd have to re-evaluate myself and my intentions. but alas, there's only so much i can do. i love this person and anyone i know for the sake of Allah (swt). May He guide us ALL on the right path. May He give us the tawfiq to increase our spiritual state and prepare ourselves spiritually in this dunya so that we don't suffer in the akhira. May He forgive us for our shortcomings and allow us to be graced by his noor. Ameen.

disclaimer:
*again, forgive me if i have offended anyone. that was NOT my intention. i needed to blow some steam. so these are my thoughts at the moment. Allah Khair, they may change tomorrow for i may be graced with more insight. Jazakallah Khair.

Revolution Galore

2010-03-01T23:37:00.002-05:00

i'll admit. i keep my blog on the down low when it comes to letting my friends know i have one.

to be quite honest, despite having close friends and sharing emotions, there are many things that they just won't understand. but alas, it always comes down to whether or not i benefit from it and if it's truly a necessity.

necessity = most certainly

alhamdulillah, today i've been overwhelmed with how amazing it is to see yet another friend join us all in the world of blogging. if there is one thing i've realized, it's the notion that blogging does relieve stress and it's also become a haven for people to express their creative yet abstract self in the most provocative and organic manner. (provocative does not equal sexual, for those of you who are wondering). inevitably we end up creating relations through this medium which has inadvertently seduced us in its high definition galore. i'll call it a revolution.

"The purification of our inner being is directly related to our avoidance of blameworthy acts. Examine and test yourself against this standard. Prostrate with humility in the court of Allah subhaanahu wa ta 'aala. Tears flooding from the eyes purify the heart." - Hazrat Zulfiqar Ahmad (db)

The Proposal...

2010-02-28T13:50:00.023-05:00

we worked in the msa together and he asked my parents for my hand in marriage before he asked me! masha'Allah.

that's ideally what i want. to insha'Allah meet a kind, spiritually adamant young brother through msa (muslim student's association). but sometimes you need to be careful of what you wish for, because that's exactly what will end up happening. i sometimes wonder how i will ever know if i'm ready for this new chapter in my life. better yet, if i'm even supposed to think about it.

but the reality is, only Allah (swt) knows. and whatever comes your way, you must have the strength and faith of dealing with the situation. i just want to say alhamdulillah for being able to engulf myself within the love of my parents. to have been able to have this wonderful line of communication with them and allowed them to realize the importance of assimilation, integration and understanding of diversity in our society in this day and age. but alas, it does come down to comfort levels. something you can't teach yourself.

a good question probably is, why am i discussing this right now? why am i shedding light on this particular subject?

well very bluntly said: i received a proposal.

i was expecting to maybe get my first proposal in 2 years but Allah Khair. the reason as to why this is on my mind is the way i received it and the context of the reason of marriage.

alhamdulillah, i have an immense respect for the young brother who is interested due to his manner and approach. i have not even spoken to him on an informal basis. so as you can tell, this is turning out super halal. who wouldn't want that? throughout the whole entire week my close friend was getting information, i was nonchalant about the whole situation. i knew once i received information it would be directly given to my parents and they would be the ones to make the decision. but what happened after was not of my control. i read the information that he wanted my parents to read, and Subhan'Allah. the amount of devotion and love he has for Allah (swt) is not only admirable but beautiful. i read it and simply could not contain my emotional self and proceeded to crying for a full hour. Ya Allah. i don't know how Allah (swt) put this character into my life. i come nowhere near his spiritual caliber and nor do i feel like i deserve to even be with him. (granted, i don't even know him).

my friend's tell me, i have no right to say such things. the very notion of degrading oneself is not necessary because its obvious that i was moved by the spirituality and love for Allah (swt) of this person. subhan'Allah. however, i can't entangle myself in that thought. i need to be more confident (as said by another friend). i dislike it when someone says i have a "self-image" issue. there's a difference between having a "self-image" problem and being modest. being humbled by other people and what they do to get closer to Allah (swt). it takes a lot to humble yourself, to not exude arrogance and appreciate the aspirations of others. alhamdulillah.

alas, i'm almost 20. i have, insha'Allah so much more time to ponder the very thought of marriage. it's only having to fathom what to do at this very moment that bothers me. i know i handled the situation to the best of my ability and insha'Allah, i'll keep making dua that this brother finds a sister who is truly meant for him. because i personally can't see myself with him. the dynamics of our families and the difference in how we were both raised. (he is a convert and was raised in a Christian household).

i do want to get married young and that's nothing further from the truth. please make dua for me, for i really hope that i can fulfill half my deen. for my deen is much more dear to my heart than any materialistic goal that we may immerse ourselves in.

"The tears do not dry up save for the hearts being hard, and hearts do not harden but because of the abundance of sins." -Imam Amir ul Mu'mineen Ali (a)

May Allah (swt) forgive me for my shortcomings. May He allow us all to increase our spiritual state and continuously guide us on the straight path and the path that is lighted by His Noor. May He allow us to strive to get closer to him through any means necessary. May He enjoin us with believers from wherever they may be. Alas, May He protect us all from the hellfire and instill in us the love for this deen. Ameen.

You've been tagged!

2010-02-16T16:33:00.006-05:00

so I've been tagged? [this is a new phenomena to me] and i'm also late in posting this too.

but alhamdulillah, it's an awesome way to get to know fellow muslimah bloggers.

tagged by: Labellaiman
rules: write 5 random things about myself then proceed to tagging 5 blogs i love to read/follow

pic: at virginia beach [in virginia if it isn't obvious enough] my sister is currently my personal photographer and loving it. masha'Allah.

5 random things about me

1) i LOVE cheese (except for swiss)

2) recently, i've developed a sudden high every time i drink apple juice. i'm not a caffeine drinker, so i'm guessing apple juice or any drink with high fructose corn syrup is my antidote to being hyper and wide awake. [secretly, i'll stick to my lasting supply of dihydrogen monoxide)

3) i'm secretly addicted to amenakin [youtube channel]. i love her style of wearing hijabs with a twist. not only does she exude creativity; moreover, she keeps it modest. masha'Allah.

4) one day i will get married to the man of my dreams, insha'Allah. he will be an imam (or close to it) and be the biggest dork in my life. i fantasize about my future and its sad. but i guess that's what girls tipping 20 years old do? i swear i'm not a creeper even if my friends admit for me.

5) this isn't random...but the importance is definitely a priority. (i try to make an effort to insert a mini dua and/or hadith after most of my blogposts...so here's mine). i pray that Allah (swt) gives us all the tawfiq to increase our spiritual state. That He May guide us all and protect us under his shadow of forgiveness. May He bring upon us trials and tribulations for we are not perfect. Ya Mutakabbir, make me among those humbled before Your Awesome Pride, submissive to Your decrees and judgments. Ya Ghaffar, forgive me all major and minor sins, and the onlsaughts of heedlessness, and the inadvertent ramblings of the mind.

blogs i love to read/follow [warning: there are too many that i love. these aren't necessarily the top ones, but they sure are one's that you guys should stop by once in awhile insha'Allah. for a complete list, check out my blog roll on the left hand side]:

Suhaib Webb (amazing articles, mA)
Grains of Sand (new blogger who's got talent and voice)
Deluge of Vibrance (new blogger who has inspiration and one blog post!)
Sami'na Wa Ata'Na (i learn something new everyday from her, mA)
Rhythmic Explosion (amazing diction and simply thought provoking)

Can I have an order of....college life.......

2010-02-16T13:17:00.004-05:00

week of insanity.

i think i have something due every single day of this week. this includes a deluxe package of 2 exams and side order of a pharmacy healthcare paper.

blog post coming soon y'all. sorry for the delay ;)

End of Mujahideen Ryder?!

2010-01-24T14:55:00.004-05:00

i just found out that mujahideen ryder's blog is coming to an end.

i am devastated. i followed his blog like little ducklings would follow their mother . but my heart and prayers go out to him. May Allah (swt) bless him in his efforts of raising awareness and starting a revolution of the muslim blogosphere.

good news is that he'll be joining Muslim Matters and continue to have input in the blogosphere! Insha'Allah, we'll all continue to read and follow; regardless of where he is and where he isn't.

White Supremists Galore

2010-01-16T21:16:00.004-05:00

"Take that Turban OFF!!!!"

"you ignorant fools, this is a hijab!"

"this is so going on Muslimah Monolgues..."

i honestly don't know how some people have the audacity to scream such ignorant comments. wait, i do. it's called lack of morals, improper education and teaching of proper etiquette. absolutely no sense of akhlaq.

May Allah (swt) guide us all and continually remind us that He is our Creator and to him we succumb all our weaknesses. To Him we ask for help and to Him we repent our sins. May He forgive us of our shortcomings and may he enlighten us and increase our spiritual state. Ameen.

Time Traveler

2010-01-13T17:31:00.006-05:00

Alhamdulillah. i am blessed to have friends and know people who remember Allah (swt) in every moment of their life.

yesterday night, Shaykh Muhammed Al Shareef (from Al Maghrib Institute) had this amazing and enlightening lecture about time management in this dunya and how to attain productive spiritual happiness leading us to the akhirah (after life), something we all forget to strive for.

the following are notes my friend Cucumber took from Sh. Muhammad Al Shareef's Time Traveler webinar. May Allah azzawajal protect her and shine noor on her till the day she dies. May He keep her in the best of health and Imaan for her willingness and generosity of sharing such beneficial knowledge to us all. Ameen.

Be in this life as if you are a stranger or a traveler.
If you find yourself in the morning, don't expect the night to come and vise versa.
Take advantage of your life before you die. Take advantage of your health before you fall sick.
Every single one of you is a Shepard, a leader. Strange is he who has the material world walking away from him and the akhirah walking towards him, yet he is busying himself with this dunya when death is knocking on his door.

10 Tips:

Aim higher every single day. Don’t lift the same weight every day. Systematically increase the weight to increase the muscle. Did you make an intention this morning to achieve something great? Don't let everyday pass by like a habit. Make your intention at Fajr time.

Get things off your mind immediately. Check to pay, email, etc. Keep a notepad besides you. If a thought comes to you, write it down. Get small stuff off your mind so you can use your mind (prime real estate!) for greater things. What are you building on your brain? Newspapers? Junk? Twitter? Ingest in your brain the best of information. Focus on Allah, that's what should be in your brain.

Write things in places where you'll come across it again without having to manually remember it.

Pray Fajr at the Masjid."Oh Allah, bless my Ummah in the morning". Start your day early. There's so much barakah in it! You'll get half your life back just by doing that.

Oxygenate your blood. Walking, breathing, exercise. You start becoming more alert. Energy doesn't come from coffee, it comes from breathing, focusing on your health.

Pre-choose your next break and write it down. Study for an hour, write down when you start and at what time you will take a break. "I'm not allowed to get distracted until 5:21. That's my distraction time."

Delete distractions in your life. DELETE! Not stay away, DELETE!!! If you have a TV, maybe take it out. Go to places where there is no internet access for a while. If there's a person taking up too much time, delete the chatting device, or the game on your phone, whatever it is. Make these things your slave and not your master.

Never multi-task. Focus on what is at hand. Don't listen to something, chat, write a paper, read an article, study, eat all at the same time. Can't do it. Give people and anything you are working on, your full attention.

Start on the right foot. Enter the masjid, house with the right foot. Start your day with the important things. Don’t start by checking emails, social stuff because if you do, you'll continue with that the whole day. Start with the most important task, Fajr, hifdh, send an application, plan the day out, work, etc.

Getting a mentor or a life coach. Our parents are our coaches when we are young. When you get older, you have to take responsibility so you need someone there to make sure you got your tasks done.

>> Your life is as though your are holding a piece of ice. This life is not our destination, people before passed by and people after us will pass by. Surah Al 'Asr. Always remind yourself and others about the reality of life.

>> Imagine a clock that has the sign "What have you achieved with me today?" written on top of it. You should come back to your bed so exhausted every day that right when you hit the bed, you fall asleep.

>> Make an intention to manage your time and make du'a to Allah. Stop making your effort solely your effort and place your trust in Allah.

>> Sleeping, working, watching tv, internet--time combined: about 52 years spent on these things!

Get 10 Years of Your life back.
1. Make your job your life mission. 10 years.
2. If you take a TV out of your home. 10 years.
3. Wake up for Fajr and start your day after Fajr. 10 years.

TIME:
1. Clean your brain out before starting anything. Fundamental!
2. Focus on what's most important to you. Cut out all the fluff.
3. Big dreams require delegation. We can't achieve everything by ourselves. We have weaknesses so we need to master the art of dealing with others.
4. Can't get anywhere in life if you don't know where you're going first. Figure out your destination.
5. Excellence/ihsan is never the result of accidents. You must have a plan. Make the intention to master your time.

• Wake up and stay up after Fajr so go to sleep after 'Isha. Don’t worry about going to bed, focus on getting up for Fajr.
• Follow up Fajr with Qur'anic recitation or exercise. Eat healthy after Fajr to keep yourself from falling asleep.
• Your mentor must have the skills to move you forward. Must be a serious relationship and a commitment. They should hold you accountable. Someone who you hold in high esteem.

Why do we procrastinate?
• No exciting goals. Dull and boring aims in life.
• Projects that you don't care about. Find goals that you do care about, something that makes you want to hop out of bed at Fajr time.
• We don' know the real problem. We look at the symptoms, not the cause. Figure out what's really wrong with you lol. :p
• We might not know how to get there. They know what they want to do but not how to do it. Make your goals specific and take it from there.

Down time:
• Work and then sleep. A car can't run all the time. Get 110% down time but work the same way! Real fun like finding a beach and swimming. Something active, fun, and healthy. Something that takes your mind completely off of work.

Insha'Allah this was just as enlightening to you guys as it was for me. if you want to hear the lecture please click on this website: webinar

you'll be able to hear the full webinar and join in on this amazing elucidation of how to really manage our time in this dunya.

Patience and Forgiveness

2010-01-12T23:59:00.003-05:00

today i realized that sometimes the people you think you affect the least are people whose feelings matter the most.

well i shouldn't put it that way.

"...sparing emotions without making time stitch up loose wounds..." -enlightening friend who I had been conversing with

i had the opportunity and you can call it fate to speak to a friend who i had not had the chance to connect with for a very long time. we'd had instances where we'd speak to each other; however it would end up vague and brisk. i had always that it was due to lack of time or just not the right moment. however, i was told otherwise.

almost a year and my oblivious judgment on a friendship was tested today. i always felt that i was the one to analyze people and over think conversations. but i met my match today. i'm not the only one...sad thing is, today i let my guard down. i didn't do exactly what i was so used to doing: analyzing.

so i ended up looking like an idiot. childish if you will. i took the other side of wrath and it felt terrible. but i realized it's not how someone perceives me, rather what ends up happening when you don't think about someone's feelings. granted, you need to know what your intentions are and whether or not it's necessary in the first place. Allah Khair. things do happen for a reason.

i think i did mention this before in a previous post. alas, it comes down to intentions, intentions, intentions.

i kept saying sorry. but i was told, apologizing won't do anything; which, was inevitably true. we've been taught to always say sorry; however, when you're an adult. it means nothing unless your actions say otherwise.

"the mind remembers, the heart forgives" -enlightening friend who i had been conversing with

in Islam, do you truly find the beauty in patience and forgiveness. just remember folks. we all make mistakes. i am not perfect, nor do i state i am. sometimes within our spiritual journey do we find ourselves battling hurdles and hindrances from all corners of life. that's what makes us realize the essence of this dunya (this life) and long for the the akhira (the afterlife). Allah (swt) tests in ways unimaginable and unfathomable but that's what makes us Muslims. Muslims to see how we react and how we remember Allah during these moments.

“And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him (in Islam), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped. And follow the best of that which is sent downto you from your Lord (i.e. this Qur’an, do what it orders you to do and keep away from what it forbids), before the torment comes on you suddenly while you perceive not.” (Az-Zumar 39:54-55).

Jihad Against Islamic Extremism

2010-01-11T19:07:00.003-05:00

So my sister was with my in this video this time (please excuse her lack of talking...she got camera shy)

We had some opinions on Islamic Extremism and the portrayal of Muslims in the media after we went to this amazing event at our local Masjid - Mustafa Center in Annandale, VA. Alhamdulillah the event was called Calling all Heroes: The Middle Path and the Error in Terror, and the panel of speakers included: Imam Zia, Shad Imam, Imam Magid, Imam Mahdi Bray, Altaf Hussain and Haris Tarin.

These amazing speakers shed light on today's issue of terrorism and how the Islamic faith has been tarnished by individuals who end up doing (literally stupid) things. It's about high time the Muslims stopped being Invisible and started speaking up against what the media has to say. Islam is a religion of Peace and not violence. There is nothing about destruction but rather building foundation for purity and peaceful state of mind.

so sorry if my videos are boring (that's why i love writing more than talking...in videos that is). but i want you guys to please please comment and let me know what you think, how you feel and what are your thoughts! don't worry, i make no judgments, what you say is what you say.

May Allah (swt) guide us all and protect us from what is evil. May He forgive us for our shortcomings and may he give us the tawfiq to increase our spiritual state.

My blessings and dua's out to all of the Muslims who are in toil and harships. May Allah (swt) grant them ease and test them till they find a spot in Jannah (paradise). Ameen.

Where's your Haya?

2010-01-03T23:29:00.004-05:00

sometimes we forget that everyone needs to observe haya (it's not only for women mind you)

"The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: 'If you have no shame, do as you wish...Faith consists of more than seventy branches, and haya (modesty) is a part of faith.'" -Al Bukhari

It's a New Year!

2010-01-02T01:01:00.002-05:00

Alhamdulillah, it'a a new year! insha'Allah our goals haven't changed and that we may continue to be guided by our Creator in whatever we wish to do.

so here's a video. not too interesting, but watch it if you please!

also, warning: it can get redundant and is random. >_<

New Findings and Inspirations

2009-12-27T23:45:00.004-05:00

recently i have been looking at videos online on hijab tutorials. fancy that! but quite honestly, its been very inspiring. i can veer off the normal everyday hijab look i always muster up everytime i leave the house or dorm. now i have the ability to spruce the regular look with lots of folds, pleats, and layers.

kudos and many many thanks to amenakin on her youtube channel for the amazing tutorials and tips on wearing hijab. also, she gives amazing make-up tips for those of you who want to find a nice way to match your make-up with your hijab.

speaking of new findings and inspirations, my mother has astounded me with her recent finding of mounthira.com. this is a great place to learn the tafseer of some of the most common suras that we've learned since we were 3 feet tall!

i've actually taken it upon myself to perfect my ayatul kursi. aka...every day this week, practice the ayatul kursi for 15 minutes before work. why? because i realized that culture definitely finds a way to penetrate into your islamic teachings even as a child. i remember going to saturday school and learning this verse only to realize that the tafseer of it was totally incorrect. fortunately, we are all mature and have developed this intellectual and spiritual capability of finding things out via scholars or our "trustworthy" internet. in this case, it happened to by mi madre. oh how i love thee.

insha'Allah, i hope you guys find this website conducive to your islamic learning and journey towards enrichening your islamic being. i know its a blessing for me thus far and am in the hopes that i can perfect the tafseer.

Imam Jaffar as-Sadiq (as): "He who entrusts everything to Allah wakes up in the morning free of all evils and at night sleeps protected in his faith."

Need Some Opinions

2009-12-21T21:55:00.004-05:00

so i've begun the hunt for stories from my fellow Muslimahs out there insha'Allah.

going to try to make this event as organized and feasible as possible. all i need are some amazing stories, a wonderful committee of msa students and lots of flyers ;)

if anyone who happens to come by this blog interested please feel free to email me your story with the following information please:

name | school | year | major | number | address

i will be accepting submissions till January 23rd 12:00am insha'Allah

**any stories will do and length doesn't even matter. you can talk about hijab, not wearing hijab, islam in your daily life and how it affects you or how it doesn't. you don't need to censor it either. what you feel is what you feel and your story can only be genuine.

For the Love

2009-12-17T23:42:00.003-05:00

this brought me to tears. it makes you wonder how many talented individuals we have in our ummah. what truly makes them so strong in their deen? what level of attainment have they reached that makes them so passionate?

i want you guys to listen to him carefully. understand his play on words. so artfully spoken that you forget you're not listening to music anymore. masha'Allah.

Locust Walk

2009-12-08T20:02:00.009-05:00

its almost winter and i am no longer allowed to log onto facebook (well at least till finals are over).

as soon as worked finished i quickly counted the last pill and swiftly poured the contents into the container and labeled it. putting on my black pea coat and plugging my headphones on i rush out of cvs. a fresh whisk of philly streets and auntie anne's pretzels clouded my nostrils as i ran across the street to enter locust walk.

7:06ish and its dark outside. not pitch black, but close enough. i zoom past the UPenn library and make my way back to Usp. usually i make an effort to fast walk, but today the sight of locust walk kept me from doing so. dark and esoteric could describe my evening. as the trees arch inward from both sides, i can see the lanterns and Christmas lights pinned neatly into the branches. i guess if i were engaged or even married, walking through locust walk would be magnificently romantic. since i fall in neither category, i gathered my emotions from the past week and a half and called it my lover.

my first time ever walking as slowly as i did tonight. i basked in the darkness of the shadows and smiled under the lights of the lanterns. i couldn't hear anyone but my heartbeat and current music playlist. it was blissful, serene. a sense of tranquility overwhelmed me until i realized i needed to get ready for finals.

but i think that was the point of making locust walk have such an aesthetic feel to it.
to make all of us busy students slow down and breath in the beauty of nature and philly.
to for at least 5 minutes forget that we need to worry about the 5 bajillion things in our life.
to atleast forgive ourselves and indulge in what Allah (swt) has given us.

"Verily, for the righteous, are Garden of Delight, in the Presence of their Lord."
-Surah Al-Qalam 68:34

i don't know if i can stay off of facebook for over a day let alone a week. let's see how this turns out. Best of wishes to those who are taking finals or are studying for them. May Allah (swt) grant us all the tawfiq to have the strength to study hard and may he forgive us for any of our shortcomings. Ameen.

Is it ok to breath again?

2009-12-05T15:17:00.017-05:00

wintrymix.

that's what my phone calls the apparent weather outside. the little white flurries cascading down the streets of Philly only to dissipate and diminish in the little puddles of water on the sidewalks and trolley tracks. it's definitely a reminiscent time. the holidays are ringing their names left and right. the smell of hot chocolate and cinnamon is floating in the air along with the slow and dreadful murmurs of finals. time literally ran by this semester.

while thinking about what to type, i look down at my hand. the henna design which i painstakingly conjured up the night before Eid, has slowly faded away. i slowly trace the design with my eyes and realize the parallels i've drawn.

as an adolescent we all make wrong choices, fumble on decisions and trip on cracks. as we grow we make sharp turns as the design makes as it crawls half way up my hand. long conversations and moments of tears follow through just like the dots along the curve of the line. As the line continues to go further up the hand, it becomes obvious that it has now faded. but faded becomes our history. faded will become my history.

its not supposed to be a bittersweet experience. moreover, its been an enlightening experience. i'm contempt with the decision i will soon have to make. contempt because i'm not doing this to please someone, not doing this because i've failed, and most importantly not because i am trying to escape. it's been a tumultuous year and a half here in philly. redundancy, hardships, mistakes, and lots of good times won't go to waste. i promise. if i've felt my time here has been building up my frustration, its also built up my character. i've become stronger. i'll atleast give myself that much credit.

i'm not even attempting to write a goodbye letter, because this is almost looking like one of those unofficial drafts. i just needed to write this down. i needed to display it infront of my face. once again, the henna lines...in all its intricacies parallels the very same intricacies of my life. the once vibrant dark red slowly vanishes away. the only thing that separates my life from the aforementioned henna lines is having th capability to change the design to suite my liking. you can't change yourself apart from what Allah (swt) wills. and I, have decided to do what needs to be done to expound upon my imaan. i need to regain my inner peace again.

Imam Jaffar-as-Sadiq (AS):
"...Do not be occupied with yourself rather than with the duties laid down for you by your Lord. Wash your heart clean with the water of sorrow and fear; make remembrance of Allah part of His most glorious remembrance of you..."
-Lantern of the Path, Remembrance

A VERY BELATED EID MUBARAK YALL!

Silent Sunlight

2009-11-19T17:35:00.004-05:00

i finally heard one of my favorite nasheeds after a long while. listening to it just made the goosebumps on my skin visible from 5 miles away. my favorite version is sung by Dawud Wharnsby Ali:

La ilaha illallah
La ilaha illallah

Silent sunlight welcom in, there is work I must now begin,
All my dreams have blown away.
And the children wait to play,
They'll soon remember things to do,
When the heart is young and the night is done and the sky is blue.

La ilaha illallah
La ilaha illallah

Morning song bird sail away,
Lend a tune to another day,
Bring your wings and choose a roof,
Sing a song of love and truth.

We'll soon remember if you do,
When all things were tall,
And our friends were small,
And the world was new.

La ilaha illallah
La ilaha illallah

Sleep horses heave away,
Put your back to the golden hay,
Don't ever look behind at the work you've done,
For your work has just begun.

There'll be the evening in the end,
But till that time arrives,
You can rest your eyes,
And begin again.

La ilaha illallah
Silent Sunlight
La ilaha illallah
Morning Sun
La ilaha illallah
Silent Sunlight Welcome in.

Intermittent Obscurity

2009-11-14T18:23:00.021-05:00

unknowingly did i know what i was about to hear. so i embraced myself and sat. little did i know that i would be sitting for 5 hours in my own puddle of tears. tears that roll off of my face and onto my scarf. uncontrollable yet effortlessly did they make their way into my tissue paper.

i woke up the next day with a terrible headache and the recollections of the prior night came back to me again.

how often are we confronted and told something so out of character that you are in complete and utter shock, especially when it's about you? sitting for a good 5 hours is not the most pleasant thing, when in fact you are bombarded with questions and indirect accusations. Ya Allah, May I be forgiven for my shortcomings and may He guide me.

what concerns me the most is the fact that due to incessant 'disapproval' from individuals out there somewhere, anything i have to say about this deen can be contorted and misinterpreted to not only make me seem like a staunch supporter of extremist Islamic views, but also have the ability to hurt friends that are dear to my heart.

to this very day, I ask for forgiveness from anyone who knows me and has spoken to me. if i have unintentionally given off any inappropriate or undesirable vibes, please excuse me. if i have come off as harsh, i ask for forgiveness. and lastly if i have said anything that may have caused a discernment for another individual, i do apologize greatly.

i was told unremittingly that i shouldn't beat myself at all on this matter. that i needed to look at the positive and see how i have handled situations and have essentially helped my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters out of their own undesirable situations. i needed to see the positive affect i have had on the Muslims in our school and how i have essentially taken an initiative to improve this deen not only within myself, but also within the Muslims that needed some guidance. does it even matter of what people say about me? inevitably no, for Allah (swt) is the ultimate judge and only He can see what is the truth. so why again am i looking at myself in a different light? a light that obscures my character in such a way that it no longer reflects who i am as a Muslim?

i take things to heart, per se. i don't care about what people say about me; however if it means that my words have been misinterpreted to the point where it may distress someone close to me, then we have a problem. i've realized that when they say, "give us the advice that will lead us on the path of piety", that you still end up faltering. faltering because the world won't watch you succeed in what is righteous. you'll end up faltering because sometimes the tribulations put forth your way will inevitably make you stronger.

i pray and make dua's that during the duration that i am alive that i won't allow society to twist and turn my views,morals, beliefs and words to satiate the sad hunger known as the habitual power of mankind and deprivation of what is the necessary good. unfortunately, our society thrives in the evil; however, as an individual i believe we have the inherent capability to progress for the better. hats off to our humanistic philosophers like Pico, Corliss Lamont, and in a sense Locke.

Imam Jaffar-as-Sadiq (AS):
"...Treat your peer as you would a brother. Do not abandon what you know to be certain within yourself for something heard from other people which you doubt. Be gentle when you enjoin good, and compassionate when you forbid evil..."- Lantern of the Path, Social Interactions

once again, May Allah (swt) guide me and forgive me for my shortcomings. May He give me the tawfiq to continue on this path towards believing the wholesome message of Islam. May i be enlightened and not tread the path of those who have gone astray and not be amongst those whose hearts and eyes have been blinded. Ameen.

Writer's Block

2009-11-10T23:17:00.004-05:00

what do you do when you have writer's block?

well i started to look through a book a good friend of mine gave me for Eid:
100 Words To Make You Sound Smart by American Heritage Dictionaries (From Urban)

thus far:
here are the four words i didn't know could make me sound smart: boondoggle, quid pro quo, Svengali and last but not least

White Elephant.

i'm literally pulsating, wishing the words will flow on to the screen as i begin to type. so i begin.

.......

but there's nothing.

.....

and still, i try until my heart beats so quickly and the thoughts in my mind race so vigorously with images and stories waiting to be conjured up that it all stops in the middle of my head to a screeching HALT. who knew writer's block could be so painful? it's almost like a really terrifying car crash.

now i'll slowly crawl into my bed. pull the covers up to my neck. recite: allahuma bismika a'mutu wa ah'yaa (Oh Allah, with your name I die and Live) as many times possible. and let the rocks on my eyelids slowly fall and crumble away as i catch up on my zzzz's.

They Are Not Alone

2009-11-07T20:38:00.005-05:00

The Muslim Justice Initiative and the Free Fahad Campaign present:

THEY ARE NOT ALONE

:: * W O R L D W I D E * W e b i n a r & F u n d r a i s e r ::

(Monday, 11/9/09 8:00 pm EDT)INCLUDING MESSAGES FROM:

BINYAM MOHAMED (Former Guantanamo Inmate)

SHAYKH YASIR QADHI

MOHAMMAD ELSHINAWY

THE FAMILIES OF DR. AAFIA SIDDIQUI

& FAHAD HASHMI

Online at http://muslimsforjustice.org/theyarenotalone/

Webinar phone number: 516-780-0050 (on Nov 9th) Conference ID: 577661#

*This is an online event. The webinar can be accessed internationally via net and phone*

The Muslim Justice Initiative is a non-profit organization incorporated in New york State and is supported by many individuals and organizations nationwide. MJI was founded in 2008 in response to a series of grave injustices perpetrated against innocent Muslims under under the pretext of "the war on terror." Our work is comprised of raising awareness about legal cases in the United States as well as aid and support to the families who are faced with crises as a result of it.

They will be hosting an online webinar and fundraiser on Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 8:00 pm EST.This is your opportunity to hear speakers address the cases of Fahad Hashmi as well as numerous cases that have recently arisen. The event will also feature special messages from Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, Muhammad Siddiqui ( Dr. Aafia Siddiqui's brother), as well as former Guantanamo Bay detainee, Binyam Mohamed.

For more infomation about, please visit: Muslimsforjustice.org/theyarenotalone

Member support is crucial to continue their work. Join MJI and make a contribution today!

***PLEASE NOTE THIS IS AN ONLINE EVENT!!!! YOU CAN LISTEN IN ON THE NET OR ON THE PHONE***

Miss Smile

2009-11-05T15:14:00.007-05:00

i've been reading some of my past posts and realized i sound almost morose.

clarification:
i am not angry with my life. i love the place i'm in. but it's tough. tough to have to endure and surpass the tribulations put forth my way.

it's also a matter of furthering myself away from people who have become a fitna (فِتْنَةٌ) to me. but i can't get myself to do this because i ask myself one question. do i further myself away from the person or from the situations that they put themselves into? inevitably, even i know the answer to my own question.

alas...

the same bright smile and same twinkling eyes. but this time, i saw the smile in her eyes. i saw the gait of her walk as she approached me. i was in awe. the glitter of pink woven in with gray. the flow of the fabric across her bosom. it was breathtaking. it was as if every corner that was folded, every turn of the cloth held meaning. i embraced her and screeched a long content approval.
a friend of mine calls her Miss Smile. i'll refer to her as so. i felt so proud that day and everyday thereafter. to have seen the progression of a fellow Muslimah just fills my heart with so much solace. solace because there is hope for our Ummah. for me. hope in the sense that it is possible to have enough faith to be the best Muslim we possibly can. although Miss Smile feels like i've helped her in her decision to wear Hijab, i feel like she's actually helped me. well, let's put it this way. i think she's helped us all.

May Allah (swt) guide us all in our efforts to transcend and surpass all the tribulations put forth in our way. May He forgive us for our shortcomings.

Dim the Light of Oblivion

2009-10-22T15:30:00.007-04:00

...we must transcend the ignorance that blatantly glares us in the face. for we are not the followers of those who have gone astray. we do not conform the religion to our social desires. Self-Control. Dim the light of oblivion.

how often do we convince ourselves that the people around us think just the way we do? i have noticed that despite my undying efforts in consistent theories about the people i meet, avail to no use. well, not completely useless; just an eye-opener.

step back and relax.
breath and immerse in the conversation.
theories, concepts, discussions on worldly issues.

not everyone is an advent humanitarian or staunch activist.
not everyone cares about the environment.
not everyone feels like they have the time to care.

think about the next time we give ourselves the time to think about an issue and do something about it. we live in a world where sometimes, the resources are handed to us on a gold or silver plate. we don't live in a black and white society. it's all gray and offers a means for us to dive in and figure out what Allah (swt) has in store for us.

*i realized today that i don't give my university too much credit. i commend them for making an effort in trying to open up classes and options for different types of minors for individuals who have passions outside the dominant science world.

Soho and Djibouti

2009-10-16T22:25:00.003-04:00

i want to live in Soho someday....for at least a year and 5 months. Then travel to Paraguay and shortly thereafter, go to Djibouti.

Vagina Monologues

2009-10-12T12:53:00.020-04:00

...so i totally knew the title would be a startling grabber....

but that's besides the point, or rather not. the other day, i was invited to audition for Hijabi Monologues. i took one look at the invite and fell in love with the whole idea. utterly and completely genius. imagine exposing the world to the lives of muslim women in our society and telling the stories the way they need to be heard. truthfully. Hijabi Monologues is a spin off of the famous Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler.

this made me super excited. why? because i had an idea. why not bring this to Philly? think about it, allowing muslimahs around the Philadelphia area to share their stories and then to be able to relay it to the public would provide a means of communication and an undying effort to finally give voice to the young or old Muslim woman.

bingo. i'll do it. because inevitably speaking, someone has to do it. insha'Allah, may Allah (swt) give me the strength and support that is needed to make this possible!

again...hats off to Sahar Ullah and friends for coming up with this amazing idea.

Inadvertently Speaking

2009-10-07T17:49:00.013-04:00

i am having doubts about my major >_<

now i don't personally think that's a bad idea. yes, it's a matter of money and well...truth be told, our economy sucks right now; however, in the long run will i ever feel regret for not pursuing what my heart tells me to do right now?

ever since i was a little brown munchkin (with probably too much sugar), the health science field appealed to me. well using past tense is ambiguous and probably unnecessary considering the fact that i am still interested in the health science field. my problem is, do i want it to be my career? am i willing to endure another 5 years of it?

i almost feel like a hypocrite at this moment in my life.

this whole time i've been telling people that you shouldn't do pharmacy if your heart truly isn't attuned to it. chances are, you'll hate it and wonder why you're pursuing it. all the while, you've also taken someone's spot in the program. i don't want to fall into that category. i want to fulfill a spot because i know i want this career.

but i'm guessing my problem really isn't my career path after all. it probably has more to do with my frustration with the lack of availability of more humanities courses at my school. i feel like i have a split personality (more of in a metaphorical sense). inadvertently speaking, i've found myself more immersed amongst the liberal arts students. finding little bits and pieces of me journying to different continents and studying different subjects vicariously throught the people i meet. its a euphoric feeling i get when i talk to these people. i literally feel like i'm on my tippy-toes trying to reach for something that i can possibly get if only i were a bit taller. i'm done growing, so does that mean i won't ever reach what i'm striving for? or does this require me to use supplemental inanimate objects that help me in reaching my goal.

why i make such indirect and illogical statements has yet to hit me. quite frankly speaking, i'm just rambling some thoughts running through my head today.

i went on a rant about how students in our school need to be more aware of social and political issues in our world instead of purely obsessing over science. its disturbs me to know that people either still don't care or feel as if they don't "have the time" or are just plainly and blatantly ignorant (and choose to be). disgusting.

dream major: islamic studies/international relations

but here's how i see it. i could totally minor in islamic studies too, but not possible if i'm not given that opportunity.

but you see, there's no point in complaining about it on my blog, which is what this essentially has become despite my undying effort not to.

bigger question is, what do i plan on doing? well here lies the perks of being employed: i get payed, which inherently means that i can pay for classes!

plan:

summer = take courses at the local college near home

spring/fall? = see if i can take classes at UPenn or Drexel

future summer = going to either Yemen, Syria or Egypt to learn arabic

another future summer = backpack across South America (and not get raped, mugged, drugged or arrested)

and right now = getting ready to go to my organic chem supplemental study group.

May Allah (swt) give me the strength to find what's right for me.

Imam Amir ul Mu'mineen Ali [a] said:

"Happy is he who has not great expectations and wishes (in his life) and tries to make the most of his remaining life-time."

- Ghurar-ul-Hikam, p. 206

Terrified...

2009-10-03T16:45:00.003-04:00

i am literally terrified.

terrified that not only can i not make sense of what my friend is going through but what he can possibly do to himself. what he's already done to himself.

thoughts of illogical reasoning and wonderment of rejection.

it is life. but i don't know if i'm ready to help someone deal with this.

self-mutilation and desires that no one should dare crave.

Ya Allah, if there is a way to make someone realize that it's not a big deal and that there is a way to move on in a healthy fashion....please help me.

And you Wonder...

2009-10-03T14:10:00.001-04:00

"Science lacks the capability to look inward"

-Marc Manley

Teardrops during Taraweeh

2009-10-03T14:06:00.000-04:00

what do i wish to seek out of this dunya? am i truly prepared to face my creator on the day of judgement?

the quranic recitation began and slowly my heart began to race. as the Imaam eloquently strings the phrases together, elongates here and there and briskly finishes the phrase...i fell into a deep and contemplative trance. i felt as if my body would shake uncontrollably and my soul would be taken away because at that very moment i realized. i realized the amount of habitual tricks shaytan plays with us. how every step we take, we take with two spirits. the good and the evil.

the small teardrop felt numb to my skin as it traveled alongside my nose and over the arch of my lip. i quickly wiped it away only to be engulfed by several more. i let them fall as i bowed down in prayer. my forehead on the floor and my thoughts of complete devotion to my creator.

finding out ones mistakes seems like a grand scheme by Allah (swt) to help us realize the extent to how much we are in need of Him. now multiply this need by 1,000. this sudden need of my Creator engrosses me and frightens me at the same time.

i don't think we realize how much we take our faith for granted. how much we don't delve into what is truly expected of us. of course we have devout Muslims, but that's not the point i'm trying to make. i'm talking about the Muslims who try so hard to set themselves up for a spiritual road of enlightenment and somehow find themselves in situations which seemed inconsequential, yet leads them to a moment that should have been left on the side of the road.

i'm talking about myself. yes, we're not all perfect human beings, but trying to strive like one is close enough. trying to emulate the ways of the Prophet Muhammed (SAW) should not only make us envisage the beauty of following the straight path, but also in a sense make us despise this world and this life. to make us want to do what we need to do in this life in order to make it to the next life.

i'm battling this rollercoaster of hurdles being pushed forth my direction and all i have to say is Alhamdulillah. because the fact that i have such hurdles to face makes me feel like there is hope for fulfilling my spiritual journey.

Imam Jafar-as-Sadiq (AS) said:
"When you see someone striving harder than you, upbraid yourself, and reproach yourself in order to encourage yourself to do more. Put a halter of command and rein of prohibition on the self, and carry on as if you were a trainer who does not let his mount take a step unless it is completely correct."
-Lantern of the Path, On Striving and Discipline

**meant to post this awhile ago**

Antisemitism: A Continuing Threat

2009-09-24T03:35:00.003-04:00

i won't fail to mention that i am an ambassador/intern/tour guide for the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.

since that has been established, please feel free to go to this link: Antisemitism: A Continuing Threat

this summer i had the opportunity to voice my opinion on antisemitism and find parallels to what it had on my life.

insha'Allah this somewhat enlightening!

Be the Resource You Need to Be

2009-09-24T03:14:00.003-04:00

the past week and a half have been amazing. i know in this day and age, bar-crawling is quite the phenomena; however, i went on a different kind of crawling. "Fast-A-Thon" crawling. Masha'Allah, a experience that has started my semester with two thumbs up. USP (University of the Science of Philadelphia), Temple and then UPenn. i had the opportunity to even meet Marc Manley for the first time and hear him speak. Masha'Allah, to know that we have such inspirational and thought provoking Muslims in our community only enlivens me to wonder about how much of an effort i am making to improve my habits, my outlook on life and most importantly myself as a Muslim.

...so you're probably not aware, but the phrase, "be the resource you need to be" is take directly from Imam Khalid Latif. tonight or rather for the next two weeks, UPenn is holding their Islamic Awareness Week; a series of lectures and topics to lure you into understanding the paradigms of Islam in our society. the topic for discussion today was "Domestic Violence in the Muslim World". as Imam Khalid Latif said, "it's there." we have it in our so-called Muslim world. we see it and we hear stories of it. but the main question becomes, "what are we going to DO about it". quite frankly speaking, i'm at fault here. i can't recount the numerous times i've been to lecture where they've spoken about issues in the community and have ended saying, "and now we should do something". a monther later, we're still waiting to do something.

i've been in situations where my parents will try to "console" an aunt whose husband undyingly beats her till she admits to something she's not even committed. i've found myself caught in a conversation with family friends where the woman will recount the last day her husband publicly scrutinized her for her upbringing and to later that same night, watch her get into a mini seizure. yes, watch her and then walk away. countless police calls and countless moments of solace from my parents. we live in a society where injustice has become synonymous with justification due to religion or society pressures. where these justifications come from, beats me.

i talk about this now, because not only did i hear the lecture today; but i feel as a college students, we are the vanguards of uplifting not only our own spirits, but the spirits of the community we thrive in. we have the luxury of education, so why not use it to our advantage? i guess it comes down to how much motivation and altruism we procure for our own sake.

be the resource you need to be.

we need to understand how much we can mean to someone just by being there for them. we need to realize the amount of sadaqah being placed on anything we do for other. i always speak to myself before others, and i will whole-heartedly say...i walked away wanted to actually take action because in reality, it's not perplexing as it seems. "we need to be mindful and patient, but not foolish"

May Allah (swt) give us the tawfeeq to consistently and modestly better ourselves as Muslims. Ya Ghaffar, forgive me all major and minor sins, and the onslaughts of heedlessness, and the inadvertent ramblings of the mind. Ya Allah, guide me to You through Yourself; sustain me with constancy in Your being, that I may be well-mannered before you. Ameen.

Last 10 Days

2009-09-14T23:41:00.003-04:00

Laylatul Qadr (The night of Power)

Al Qadr (The Power): Surah 97

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

إِنَّا أَنزَلْنَاهُ فِي لَيْلَةِ الْقَدْرِ {1
وَمَا أَدْرَاكَ مَا لَيْلَةُ الْقَدْرِ {2
لَيْلَةُ الْقَدْرِ خَيْرٌ مِّنْ أَلْفِ شَهْرٍ {3
تَنَزَّلُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ وَالرُّوحُ فِيهَا بِإِذْنِ رَبِّهِم مِّن كُلِّ أَمْرٍ {4
سَلَامٌ هِيَ حَتَّى مَطْلَعِ الْفَجْرِ {5

[Shakir 97:1] Surely We revealed it on the grand night.
[Shakir 97:2] And what will make you comprehend what the grand night is?
[Shakir 97:3] The grand night is better than a thousand months.
[Shakir 97:4] The angels and Gibreel descend in it by the permission of their Lord for every affair,
[Shakir 97:5] Peace! it is till the break of the morning.

Essentially a night of spiritual bliss and contentment with the faith of Islam. With our deen and upholding the very notion that we all have taqwa and that we must all strive to fulfill and absorb as much as we can during this holy month, we know as Ramadan.

Ramadan Kareem!

2009-09-06T23:23:00.007-04:00

Ramadan Kareem!

The Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said:
"It (Ramadhan) is the month, whose beginning is mercy, its middle, forgiveness and its end, emancipation from the fire (of hell)."
- Bihar ul-Anwar; vol, 93, pg, 342

this post was long due...but i finally made it on blogger tonight! so sorry for the delay and not even having the time to update what's been happening in my life.

Ya Allah! where to begin. there have been so many things occurring in my life that only Allah (swt) knows where to precisely begin. everything that has happened so far as only made me a stronger and more determined Muslimah on the path of Islam than ever.

1) Fire I started in my dorm room
2) So many Muslim Freshmen!
3) Realizing that I can unintentionally attract someone just because I have a strong Imaan (>_<)

the latter of which i will discuss in a totally different post; however, do realize that i am on a tight schedule. insha'Allah this year will determine whether or not i stay in the pharmacy program. i am praying day and night that i make it. Insha'Allah.

in the meantime, i will try my hardest to get online and update. my fire story can't be left untold and i need to discuss how happy i am that there are so many muslim freshmen at our school. masha'Allah.

for now, again RAMADAN KAREEM!

May Allah (swt) grace us with the presence of Angels and the believers on this blessed month and guide us all for we can't go astray while the shaytan is locked up. Ya Allah, allow us to perservere and transcend every hurdle placed our way. Insha'Allah, we realize who our creator is and have enough taqwa to practice our deen. Ameen.

Check this out!
Aman Ali and Bassam Tariq's Ramadan journey through NYC's Muslim Community. 30 Mosques in 30 days.

2009-08-02T16:48:00.009-04:00

my sister and i dropped by this amazing halal chinese restaurant the other day to pick up dinner. when we got home we realized that they gave us fortune cookies. well, why is that odd? being halal, we thought that they would refrain from giving fortune cookies because its not allowed in Islam. the whole look at my sign and tell me my future deal.

so my sister and i quickly thought of the idea Hadith Cookies ©. instead of giving out fortunes that are broad and the least bit insightful, we would in turn put a short yet to the point hadith in each cookie. not only are we giving dawah and allowing Muslims to increase their imaan, but we are also doing our ummah a favor by spreading the message of Islam. now think about it. as a muslim, the next time you walk into a halal chinese restaurant you are handed some 'fortune cookies' at the end of your meal. you crack open one to find a hadith. now wouldn't that put a smile on your face?

ISNA Lecture: MSA Session (II)

2009-07-31T16:46:00.035-04:00

Msa Session: Saturday July 4th

Topic: Transforming the Soul-Practical Steps for Purifying the Heart

Spkrs: Usama Canon, Khalid Latif, Khalid Abdul Sattar

Second Speaker: Ustad Usama Canon

*warning, my notes are paraphrased and worded a bit differently than the speakers. i also put forth some of my own ideas as well. i can only write so fast*

There needs to be importance of being practical, because we will be accountable for the advice we obtain.

We all like to get on the Imaan Rollercoaster every time there is a big Islamic event. But in most cases, we fall short of the potential benefit. We need to realize that this Imaan Rollercoaster needs to continue till the day we die. We need to continue to apply the advice we receive and realize that it is for our benefit.

On the topic of "The Company that you Keep":
The company we keep affects our Imaan. We need to keep good company in order to better ourselves as Muslims.

see verse 119 of Surat-al-Taubah
-Be with a sincere

A look into the words:
-Sadiqeen (Truthful People)
-Sadaqah (Sincerity)
-Sadiq (Friend)
If you can see the origin of the word friend and see where it derives from, you can now understand that friends need to be truthful.

Inward/Outward:
-What's inside is what's on the outside. It's as if you decided to expose yourself on a plate and you wouldn't be ashamed of it. That's how you should feel about yourself and how you interact with everyone.
-Just think, what if Allah (swt) put bad smells to the bad actions of mankind. We would probably need gas masks to keep us from puking. But in reality, what happens inside must be consistent with what is outside.

Public/Private:
-Don't behave one way with a group of people and then another way for another group of people.
-It's a kind of revolution that we all face. "What will people think". If you realize that you don't care then you might find yourself portraying a specific behaviour. In a sense, you don't necessarily need to care about what people think, but you need to be prepared about what people think.

Inward/Outward Strength:
-First and foremost, you need to be serious.
-We need to purify ourselves gently and not partially.

4 important components:
Sincerity, Consistent,Truthful and Serious

Who you are can be determined by who you are around. A person is on the religion of their companions.

You need Deen and Taqwah. People become affected and we don't even realize the spiritual affects that our 'friends' can have on us. May Allah (swt) unite our hearts.

People inevitably imitate the people they keep company with. It's a little something called "Contact Consciousness". We all need to realize that in order to improve ourselves as Muslims, we need to pull away from the reality of conformity of the Western culture. Light is reality and we need to follow the noor.

Jum'a Mubarak

2009-07-31T03:35:00.001-04:00

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his progeny) has said:

“The most beloved of deeds in the eyes of Allah are offering prayers at the stipulated times; (then) goodness and kindness towards parents; (and then) Jihad in the way of Allah.”

- Kanzul Ummal, Volume 7, Tradition 18897

Noah's Ark

2009-07-31T00:25:00.010-04:00

Don't Push My Barrier or Noah's Ark Will Come Get You!

so i understand that in today's culture it's totally normal to see guys and girls hugging. it's become a formality. "hey! how are you doing?" [cue: hug the guy/girl].

yeah....i don't like rolling like that, but i will admit, i've allowed myself to veer off and do those infamous side hugs that land me feeling awkward. but back to the point, so it bugs me when a guy can't understand that and will still insist on hugging me. HOLY CRACKERS!

it's not only frustrating, but it also undermines my privacy and my personal space and more importantly my imaan. i honestly need to be less considerate of what someone thinks before being nice to them and allowing them to realize that you don't need to touch me to know me. sorry. but that's just life.

its obvious i'm frustrated right now. but things will pass and insha'Allah, we strive to become a better person and in my case a better and more aware Muslim. Ameen.Ameer al-Momineen (a.s.) said:

"All good characteristics are summarized in three acts: looking, silence and talking. Any looking that is without learning is a waste of time. Any silence that is without pondering is due to ignorance. And any talking that is not accompanied by remembrance of God is vain talk.

Then blessed be those who learn when they look; think when they are silent; remember God when they talk; are sorry for their wrong-doings; and the people are safe from their mischief."
- On Remembrance, Mishkat ul-Anwar

Isna Lecture: MSA Session

2009-07-12T18:29:00.032-04:00

Msa Session: Saturday July 4th

Topic: Transforming the Soul-Practical Steps for Purifying the Heart
Spkrs: Usama Canon, Khalid Latif, Khalid Abdul Sattar

First Speaker: Khalid Latif

*warning, my notes are paraphrased and worded a bit differently than the speakers. i also put forth some of my own ideas as well. i can only write so fast*

-How you can affect the imaan of someone else by simply being who you are and how you interact with them.

-We live in a society where we point fingers and this becomes our spiritual deficiency. And through this deficiency are we tested by Allah (swt) through many different ways.

-You need to have your own Imaan based on your own experience. It's through these experiences that we can satiate our own thirst for knowledge, but also allow us to make a connection with the person we are trying to help, inspire or bring closer to Allah (swt).

-Instinctively or mechanically, why do people do the things they do? Human Nature right? But learning to move away from such judgments, uplifting and instigating a sense of a strong Ummah can in a way strengthen you as a person.

-When talking to someone:
*Do not elevate yourself
*No arrogance
*Speak to the people at their level
~Everyone has a right to be Muslim
~Don't try taking ownership for something Allah (swt) has willed
-The purpose of my creation is to go out and help others because it makes you a better Muslim. Helping someone else uplift their spirits and allowing them to have that same feeling of an imaan high. It is true that not everyone is a scholar; therefore, do not make statements or accusations based off of bias. This will ultimately bring you not closer, but rather, take you farther away from Allah (swt).

-You need to be the resource you need to be. In essence, be the person to help when the occasion arises and do so rightfully. There's no reason to be arrogant or possessive because Islam is a religion for everyone. Be the best of Allah's creation by helping the very same creation that He has created.
-You should become revitalized. As if you could look into the face of the prophet and benefit.
-This deen started as something strange and will go back to something strange.
*But in the time being, you need to find solace in your presence
*Becareful who you befriend
~You want to be that support but likewise, you want to have that same support back
~Every heart makes a difference
**Engage Heart's**
-Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him), knew the respective strengths of all his companions.
-As Muslims, we need to know who our friends are in order to become even better Muslims in society. Muslims that don't judge, because we are not given that right.

*second and third speaker notes are coming soon, insha'Allah!*

Even nature wants to slap you in the face...

2009-07-12T01:39:00.009-04:00

"Even nature wants to slap you in the face!"

...while trying to maintain a speed of 25 mph on a road i usually drive 45 on, i was bombarded with an array of reminiscent memories of a 15 year old by my side. "Do you remember when you told me that if i said, 'om jai jagdish' that i would convert to Hinduism? I can't believe you lied to me! Oh and do you remember that time i said the word '*upid' and you ended up saying it only to rat me out! Ugh....i am a tortured child. Who would be willing to give me their kidney's?"

while she rants on, i make a steep turn and the branches of a tree scrape the side of the passenger's window. the window was down, allowing the branches to creep into the car and briskly touch her. i realized it was nature's way of saying, "it's time to simmer down and zip that mouth". but alas, sometimes there's a reason why she talks. sheer entertainment. honestly, the car rides would be too quite and laughter would almost be nonexistent.

*side-note*

my sister and i decided to head to the movies to watch My Sister's Keeper, and for those who have read the book. please do not expect the movie to follow the book. as always, movie producers find a way to change things up. for this particular movie, they totally changed the ending. still a tear-jerker. scratch that, more like a snot fest as everyone in the theater began to burst out niagara falls through their eye sockets. but just as a warning, don't expect it to be good. there are MANY things missing. especially key components which made the story exceptional to begin with.

Creeper

2009-07-12T01:09:00.006-04:00

the light quickly changes to green and i take this moment to push the gas pedal a bit harder than usual. from the slight corner of my eye, i see a green van beside the car when all of a sudden i hear:

"Hi everybody....I can see you! I am following you!"

it turns out my dad wanted to make a quick stop at Home Depot. fortunately for my sister and I, we ended up being at the same place and the same time. i nearly had a heart attack, but i survived. when i look back, i wonder...what if it were some random guy. but then i also realized, my parents do the most random things ever. every day can, literally, be an episode.

Ya Allah, protect us from the shaytan and forgive us for our shortcomings.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) has said: “The look of a child towards his parents out of love for them is an act of worship.”
-Biharul Anwar, Volume 74, Page 80

Yar-hamakul-Allah

2009-07-10T19:24:00.004-04:00

she storms into the plum painted room and begins to tear the magazine pictures off the wall while saying, "Get rid of these pictures of men! You don't need them on the wall!"

funny thing is, she tore off all the pictures of the women.

the next thing you know, she walks over to the hallway and starts reciting dua's to repent for what she's done. in her adamant attempt she repeatedly starts reciting, "Yar-hamakul-Allah".

you only say Yar-hamakul-Allah when someone sneezes. >_<

*my mom is strange. but Alhamdulillah, it's healthy.

ISNA ♥

2009-07-10T16:06:00.045-04:00

as i slowly walked up the steps leading into the Washington Convention Center, my heart began to beat non-stop. my mind was racing with images of the most respectable shaykhs, imams, sidhi's and scholars. i would catch myself trying to hear their resonating voices and ultimately finding myself closer to them. i recently heard this podcast by Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar from sacredlearning.org, and one thing i still remember him saying is:

that when you immerse yourself in an environment which brings you so close to Allah (swt), that once you step out of that framework and begin to live amongst the crowd that moves away from Allah (swt), you can actually feel your imaan slowly being violated and being tainted by the impurities of our society. [paraphrased]

walking into ISNA (Islamic Society of North America) purged every negative thought in my system. quite honestly, i was looking forward to this event the day they said it would take place in the nation's capital, Washington D.C.. the wonders of fate and Allah(swt)'s will as he brought Muslims from all over together.

in the next few days of ISNA, i found myself trying to walk back and forth from the renaissance hotel and the actual convention center itself eagerly searching for the rooms of the lectures i chose to attend. i absolutely loved that feeling. the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, because i knew i would be sitting in on an amazing lecture.

"We will be accountable for the advice we obtain" - Usama Canon in the lecture 'Transforming the Soul: Practical Steps for Purifying the Heart'.

after this lecture, i realized that no matter what lecture i go to, i would need to implement what i've learned at ISNA to my life and not let this be a temporary Imaan booster or Imaan high. literally, people come to these events to listen in on lectures and not understand a single point or gain an understanding of what was trying to be relayed.

insha'Allah in the next few posts i'll put up the notes i took for the different lectures that i went to. Masha'Allah, may Allah (swt) grant these people the highest place in Jannah and allow them to continue to spread the true message of Islam. Ya Allah, forgive us followers for any indecencies and shortcomings. May we repent for the rest of ourlives and continue to strengthen our deen and imaan. ♥

M.I.A.

2009-07-06T14:40:00.003-04:00

where have i been?

so very sorry for not posting anything up or even having the decency to say what happened to me. Alhamdulillah, i'm back in philly and have begun summer classes; hence the prolonged post and no new videos. but...i am working on one video that i promised you all. it's the one about dc, so look forward to that. furthermore, i will be posting up ALL the INSPIRATIONAL and ENLIGHTENING information i recieved this weekend at ISNA. Subhan'Allah, what i've learned and what i plan to do with my life is definitely going to be a testament of my willpower and my courage to follow and pass the message of Islam.

as for now, i must say farewell as i begin to study for my exam this week.

Ya Allah, forgive us for our shortcomings. Shine on us, your Noor and Rahmah. Guide and us allow us to keep the best of intentions and to keep the best of company. The company that strengthens our deen and our imaan. Ya Allah, you are the most merciful and the all forgiving and the most beneficient. You are the all knowing and the most powerful. Ameen.

Zaytuna College

2009-06-21T22:13:00.004-04:00

i am late in putting this up, but decided to do it immediately before i forgot again ♥

Goosebumps. This is something I have always dreamed of and it has finally come true. ALHAMDULILLAH!! What better place to study arabic and with some of the most amazing people on earth. Ya Allah! Enlighten us, shower us with noor and forgive us for our sins and shortcomings. We only wish to better ourselves and to strengthen this Ummah.

Do so rightfully...

2009-06-18T22:59:00.002-04:00

Hadith of the Day:

Imam Husayn (a.s.) said:

"One who pursues a goal through sinful ways , will ironically distance himself from that goal, and will approach what he was afraid of."

- Bihar ul-Anwar, Vol. 78 , P. 120

Angry Pharmacist

2009-06-16T23:47:00.011-04:00

i know i can be quite annoying. incessantly asking questions, not being able to catch on too quickly on how certain things work and trying to please a customer. wait...pleasing a customer is a problem? no way, but my night shift pharmacist thinks its annoying. maybe he's just frustrated or i caught him at a bad time, regardless...i got the smack down. yelled at for a good 2 minutes about how cvs pharmacy is not your mcdonald's drive-thru and service there is not the kind of service we should be exemplifying; furthermore, telling him that he has a waiter will screw him up with his other patients and that if anything does go wrong, the big guys will come after him.

i was taken aback, but shrugged it off and quickly procedeeded to helping the customer waiting:

"So sorry ma'am"

"why is that sir?"

"you just got yelled at and it was because of me..."

"it's not your fault at all, don't worry about it"

"i will, i think that was just rude. that pharmacist needs to learn some manners."

sometimes you can't expect everyone to be kind, caring and understanding. but it's all about how you want to be as a person. if you retaliate with the same behavior, you don't set the example. it's better to act the way you want to be treated. i think i'm very nice and try to exemplify an attitude and personality that makes people happy and also allows them to approach me. smile things off and remember, a smile absolutely goes a long way.

Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "

Attack of the Deer

2009-06-15T00:34:00.006-04:00

masha'Allah, today was a beautiful day. the weather couldn't have been more perfect. so i took advantage of it and decided to take a video. also i sound so out of breath because of my stuffy nose and itchy throat. so don't be scared.

*warning*

i had a case of A.D.D. and severe shaking. if you have epilepsy, please refrain from watching. Jazakallah Khair ;)

Defiance

2009-06-13T01:02:00.004-04:00

...it's not about a depressing history. forget about the cultural and religious differences and transcend the fact that humanity is suffering. humanity at it's weakest point. defy it and you will conquer a level of humility. humble yourself and do what's right.

Defiance. Watch it and understand why the history of the Holocaust is necessary to understand. It's not about the torture, pain or suffering. Delving into the relationships and bonds between people that brought them closer to one another during this time, does this movie make you wonder about humanity. About the pleasure of surpassing the idea of revenge and being the human that forgives and forgets. Lives to survive, for that is the proof of ultimate defiance to the aggressors and bystanders. Compassion and Compelling. Pensive and utmost attention. You won't like it if you don't want to understand the message that's written in between the lines.

Abu Hurayrah ( رضي الله تعا لي عنه ) narrated that the Prophet (صلي الله عليه و سلم ) said: "…and no one will exercise humility for Allah's sake, except that Allah will raise him up". Muslim

May Allah grant us the Tawfeeq to humble ourselves and may He protect us from the fitnah of 'kibr' and it's evil results.

Cravings Be-GONE

2009-06-11T22:27:00.002-04:00

i am absolutely craving a blueberry coolatta,

again....

Troubles of the Past come to Haunt Us

2009-06-11T17:44:00.008-04:00

"Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilahi Raji'oon"...thoughts and prayers for the family of Officer John shot today at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. We should condemn heinous acts that promote hatred. Remember, Hatred is NOT the answer or solution to any problem. Ya Allah, guide us and allow us to rightfully hold ourselves accountable on the day of Judgment.

The following was from the ISNA website in regards to yesterday's event:

ISNA condemns the attack on the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Plainfield, IN (June 10, 2009) The Islamic Society of North America (ISNA) condemns today’s attack on Washington’s Holocaust Museum. “Bigotry and racism undermine social order and incite people to violence and must be denounced by all people of good will,” ISNA Vice President Imam Mohamed Majid stated.

ISNA praises the quick actions of security at the museum and shares in the sadness for the loss of the life of Stephen T. John, the museum guard who was fatally shot by the attacker. ISNA extends condolences to his family.

ISNA has been engaging in interfaith work with civic and religious organizations representing different faiths, including those representing the Jewish faith. Imam Majid, ISNA vice president, led in 2006 a delegation of Muslim leaders who visited the Holocaust Museum to denounce anti-Semitism and express their rejection of holocaust denial.

Contact:
Louay Safi, ILDC Executive Director
louay@ISNA.net
317-839-1807

Ya Allah, when will we ever learn from the past. it's as if society finds no shame in promoting ignorance and allowing individuals, communities, tribes, and countries to bask in their moments of ultimate insensitivity. how can we look at this and decide it's okay to let it go? i don't think i can stand back and just watch anymore.

Video Blog?

2009-06-09T16:12:00.005-04:00

i've decided on doing something different, yet familiar to the blogging world. especially to all the computer savvy geeks out there. i'm going to start video blogging along with the traditional composed prose writing.

*warning*
this video is my first ever so it is very boring and goes on relentlessly about nothing. so bear with me as i try to improve. insha'Allah.

IM'ing and World Peace

2009-06-03T22:55:00.013-04:00

"how will you solve world peace?"

-i will devise a plan to allow all world leaders to create an aim account and have a live conference to allow all leaders to chat amongst themselves and realize how similar we are to one another.

"i don't think that's going to happen ma'am"

-i never said it would. but just imagine. all the world's most powerful leaders in a chatroom discussing culture and religion. connected through this one mode of communication called aim. you see, they're not that much different if all they're just screennames on a computer screen.

"i see..."

i had this whole conversation with my good friend dolly the other night. we couldn't fathom why our society has developed this notion that hate is the new love. that war is the new peace. the wrong is the new right. we began talking about random words in arabic and how similar they were to specific christian words. we realized that its not that we're different, it's just that we've never taken the initiative to want to learn more. when i say we, i mean the society. in a matter of an aim conversation dolly and i began to list the similarities between Christianity and Islam. although we are both in the health science field, we are quickly craving to have a little bit of humanity in us. our next goal: get some religion classes at our university.

but i'll leave you with our facebook statuses as we ended our little enlightened moment.

"loves the breathtaking feeling of appreciation. especially when it comes down to candidly talking about two separate religions and wanting to be enlightened. sometimes world peace should come in a package of candid conversation and aim messaging. Subhan'Allah"

"in reality, there will always be hate; however, transcending that makes you the bigger person. Step outside of your insular thoughts and delve an understanding into someone else's culture and religion. You'd be surprised to see how similar you are. 'That they all may be one -CSI'"

Button Down...

2009-06-02T18:02:00.066-04:00

she slowly reaches over and begins to undo the buttons. the first comes undone and she whispers a faint breath that resembled the word "free". the next one comes undone and she squirms as she mumbles, "regret". as the following buttons come undone, a list of words flood her room. "enlightenment, agitation, frustration, amusement, dysphoria". the words fit right into place as they stare her in the face. she looks down at what she uncovers and lets out a silent laugh. life in all its wonders and blunders. trials and tribulations. one after another and it never ceases to stop. truth is, it will never stop and sometime we need to just sit down, take a deep breath and realize that life has many turns for us. we can't stay buttoned up in a world that we create for ourself and call it perfection. chances are, we falter and lose our sanity. for every time sanity is lost, you are that much more human.
The Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: "Your most hostile enemy is your 'self' within you." - Odattol Daee, #825

i've been writing a lot about religion so far. and i don't understand why to be quite honest. it could be because:

1) i had a lack of religious enlightenment while at college
2) this is the only outlet i get for talking relentlessly about it and not have to upset anyone
3) i'm bored so i have fun writing about one of my passions
4) i'm frustrated with the environment and people around me and find this outlet as a source of stress relief
5) i love cheese

i know number 5 has nothing to do with anything; however, everything else makes sense. i haven't been myself while in college. conforming to the whims of other people does not define who i am as a person and it frustrated the living hell out of me. in my honest opinion, i started off strong after i had my religious epiphany back two and a half years ago. but now, i'm running all over the place to find that same feeling. eventually i find it. i find it in my random conversations i have with some of my closer friends. i find it while i'm studying for an upcoming exam. i find it when i listen to two of my favorite quranic reciters. i find it when i'm walking in the rain on my way to class. moments like those just make me want to burst out and say Subhan'Allah.

but what honestly gets to me is how try to find this escape and i just can't find the door out. it is truly hard to find that center of gravity that allows you to increase your deen and imaan. especially when you're living away from your parents and friends that have been helping you along the way. and that is my problem. i can't find satisfaction in the advice given to me by my college friends. as much as i try to believe it and apply it to my life, it despairingly ends in a end note of disapproval from my inner self. as alike and attuned i am to them, i still find myself utterly different. it should sadden me that i feel this way but it's more than that.

it's the idea that people who i've grown close to, can't or haven't developed the ability to delve deeper into the relationship. this relationship called friendship. i value friendship to quite an extent, and it takes a lot for me to get really close to someone. likewise, i tend to pull myself away. and i've noticed that i do that when i haven't been able to develop into a better person. a better muslim. sometimes putting on a scarf and being a good muslim isn't that easy. i've seen it with my own eyes. it's a lot harder and temptation crawls through every crack and crevice until the devil finds the most opportune moment to watch you fall right through.

time never waits and neither should i. i'm going to stay true to what i believe and stay steadfast and strong. sometimes the physical attribute becomes this facade that makes someone believe you're something you're not. lies and deceit from the beginning. unnecessary and i hate being a hypocrite. i'm reminding myself before i remind others that we need to always renew our intentions. remember God and decide what we want to do with our life.

Epic Fail

2009-05-28T12:59:00.009-04:00

i'm pretty awesome. okay, not really. but it seemed quite awesome writing that down as my first sentence.

i recently stumbled upon this enlightening website, sacredlearning.org that one of my friends is always visiting. i decided to give it a try and found myself excited like a kid gets excited for christmas gifts. i fell across the general talks session and almost to ecstatically scrolled my life away. i decided i wanted to subscribe to their podcast...and guess what. it took me two hours to figure out exactly how to do that. epic fail.

but alhamdulillah, on my ipod and ready for my attentive ears any day now. i suggest you all try and subscribe to sacred learning or even seeker's guidance on itunes, really it's a must have!

A Land Called Paradise

2009-05-27T13:53:00.008-04:00

stereotypes, questions, ignorance, enlightenment. how people view Muslims can pretty much be summed up in those four words. the following video was a winner of the One Nation Link TV 2007 competition. a place where voices can be heard and creativity can find it's outlet.

Film Description

In December 2007, over 2,000 American Muslims were asked what they would wish to say to the rest of the world. This is what they said. A music video for Kareem Salama's "A Land Called Paradise."

Death of the Heart

2009-05-26T15:57:00.046-04:00

one goal i believe a lot of us tend to forget is to understand the affects of sin. sins and satan always find the perfect time to tickle our senses of desire. but in this lifetime, our goal should be to escape every sin in our life. this lifetime makes no difference unless you falter and die having fallen into sin. you want to have lived this lifetime living for Allah (swt) and have done things in this lifetime knowing full well that it is just a prerequisite to what is to come in the afterlife.

there is a poem in arabic which translates to:

"I saw a man on the seashore, laying wounded by a tiger saying, 'Alhamdulillah, alas i have not fallen into sin.'"

in essence, sin is deemed worse than death. one should rather die than to fall into sin that takes one away from Allah (swt). the worse death is that of the heart which is clearly attained if fallen by sin. we need to constantly remind ourselves to thank Allah (swt) all the time. He put us here and can take us away anytime. this life is just part of the journey to the hereafter...it makes no difference. He is the one who created us. the only way to lose this game is if you fall into sin. doesn't matter when you die or where you die. but if you die with sin, you make the next journey difficult for yourself. disconnecting yourself from Allah (swt) draws you closer to satan and creates time in this life that much more amusing. however, amusement only takes us away from Allah (swt), and by allowing oneself to to this, we are making entry into the hereafter that much more difficult.

1) treat every sin like its worse than death. the way you do things to avoid death is how you have to avoid the situations that would lead you to sin. sin is the death of the heart. it benefits no one and won't benefit you in the hereafter.

2) no way you can stand up against sin. impossible. if you put yourself in the environment of a particular sin, and say you'll survive is most likely an negative. just saying you have strong imaan and are capable of overcoming the particular situation does not work because eventually you will not be able to avoid the sin. that's how sin is created. if you put yourself in an environment of sin, you won't be able to avoid it. so one should avoid the environment and particular situation where sin is possible. we need to be careful of the environment.

3)Allah (swt) is the one who controls everything. He has to give you tawfiq so that you can avoid and see what is important and what is considered sin. once we can realize that, can we move on in our lives and continue on this journey called life. ultimately there's no help if you don't help yourself.

i've realized one thing about myself. i'm eager to live my life and grow up. as time flies past us, i'm more ecstatic. i'm asked why i'm not terrified at the thought of not being able to enjoy life. i think about it now and find that this life is not something i want to enjoy the way people want me to enjoy it. it's more or so the idea of being able to transcend these desires and doing what is expected from Allah (swt). we have all been given rules and guidelines for a reason. insha'Allah, we are granted tawfiq and are capable of transcending the obstacles that are brought forth. by transcending these obstacles can we ultimately find the truth and realize what our goals and aspirations are. how much more closer we get to God.

(a lot of the information here came from a general talk that i was listening to by Shaikh Husain Abdul Sattar. Masha'Allah, he has so many insightful things to say. here is the website that you should go to, to listen to many more general talks: www.sacredlearning.org)

Ya Quddus, purify me of faults and shortcomings, and cleanse me of my sins and iniquities. Ya Salam, preserve me from every blameworthy attribute and make me one of those who approach you with a pure heart. Ya Ghaffar, forgive me all major and minor sins, and the onlslaughts of heedlessness, and the inadvertent ramblings of the mind. Ya Allah, guide me to You through Yourself; sustain me with constancy in Your being, that I may be well-mannered before you.

*i speak to myself before i speak to others. this is in no way a rant on other people.

Escaping Desire

2009-05-26T14:42:00.015-04:00

i found this amazing piece on someone's facebook. yes, i know....how creepy. but alhamdulillah this just answers the many questions people have about marriage and also one reason as to why i don't date. how do they go hand in hand? well just read this and you'll see. just keep in mind what your intentions are for marriage and what your intentions are for dating. there is a certain extent of necessity that comes with marriage and it is to control the very desires that come with dating. i personally find that dating is useless in this particular day and age because clearly in reality, people don't date to get to know each other for the purpose of marriage. it's more on the whim and an excuse to let out all the emotional stress and desire that one has. marriage solves that and insha'Allah, you'll understad why. if you have any questions, ideas, comments or thoughts, don't forget to post! ♥

BismillahirRahmanirRaheem, The following are intentions one should have when entering into marriage. The intentions were composed by the great Shaykh, the ‘Arif of Allah, ‘Ali bin Abi-Bakr as-Sakran, may Allah shower them both with mercy.

I intend to enter into this marriage and take this wife (or husband) for the love of Allah ‘Azza-wa-Jall and to have children so that the human race shall continue. I also intend [to enter this marriage] for the love of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, so that he may take pride in it, as he said: “Marry and increase in numbers, as I will take pride in you before other nations on the Day of Judgement.”

I have intended in this marriage—and all the actions and words that come from it—to be blessed by the prayer of a pious child; or for his intercession if he dies young before me. I have intended by this marriage to protect myself from Satan, by breaking the desire, [and thus] breaking the temptations of Satan, to lower the gaze, and reduce the Wiswas (withdrawing whisperer). I have also intended to protect my private parts from lewdness (illegal intercourse).

I have intended in this marriage the amusement of the self and to bring joy to it through by companionship (with my spouse); looking, and playing freely and to bring comfort to the heart and strengthening it for worship.

I have intended in this marriage the relief of the nafs and cherish it through companionship, the pleasure that comes through gazing at one’s spouse, mutual foreplay, the repose that floods the heart and strengthening it for worshiping.

I have intended by it, the relieving of the heart from the worries of housekeeping, cooking, sweeping, making the bed, cleaning the dishes and taking care of lively duties.

I have intended by this marriage, to struggle with the nafs and to train it ‘through care and guardianship’, to fulfill the rights of the family and to be patient with their characters, to endure the harm that comes from them, to work towards making them good, to guide them to the religious path, to struggle to seek lawful earnings for them, to command them to discipline the children by also asking from Allah for it and success for his sake and to drop between his hands and to show the excessive need towards Him in gaining it. I have intended all the previous for Allah Almighty.

I have intended all the previous and more from whatever I control, say and do in this marriage for Allah Almighty.

I have intended in this marriage whatever Your righteous servants and Your acting scholars have intended.

Allahumma, give us success as you have given them, help us as you have helped them. Overlook our shortcomings, accept [this] from us and do not entrust us to ourselves, even for the blink of an eye. Make good for us, all of the previous, by Your Grace and Generosity in good and in good health. Allahumma, forgive us and have mercy upon us, be content with us and accept from us. Enter us into paradise and save us from the hell fire and make good all of our affairs.

Allahumma, grant me in everything—in this marriage and all of my affairs—Your Help, Blessing and Peace. Protect me from preoccupying myself with other than You and do not put obstacles between me and Your obedience and make this marriage sufficient and virtuous for me. Allahumma, I—my moments of movement and stillness—am entrusted to You, so protect me; wherever I happen to be, take my affairs as You have taken the affairs of Your pious servants.

Allahumma, help us, together with our parents, children, spouses, our Shuyukh, our brothers, all our relatives, all those who come from the same womb as us, all those who have rights over us, and those who have the minimum of rights over us. Allahumma, assist me in remembrance of You, gratitude towards You and excellence in You worship, O Lord of the Worlds. Allahumma, guide us and grant us success, O Lord of the Worlds. Allahumma, make us live this life by Your Book and the Sunnah, O the One who is Majestic and Noble. Allahumma, we ask you by that which is accepted from us and by whatever brought us closer to You. Ameen. And send blessings and salutations, by Your Majesty, to the most noble of all envoys, Muhammad the seal of all prophets, his family and companions. And all praise is to Allah Lord of the Worlds.

Allalhuma Ameen.

Oblivion

2009-05-19T21:02:00.005-04:00

astounded by how oblivious i was today. i went to starbucks which i shouldn't have because they do not support Palestine. Ya Allah! Forgive me for I have faltered and allowed myself to fall in a state of oblivion. Help me regain my conscience and continue on the straight path! Ameen.